Friday, July 31, 2009

Great, now Fox has to find a NEW way to screw this up

BREAKING NEWS (read this all like a news reporter from the 1930s...preferably out loud): After having concocted what seemed to be a perfect plan to make another terrible, terrible movie set in the Alien universe, 20th Century Fox will now be forced to find a new way to squeeze this film into turd shape, because Variety is reporting that they fired the guy who directed a few odd commercials and actually got Ridley Scott back to direct the upcoming prequel, which we can only hope is titled Prealiens (pronounced "pralines"). This is a huge step back for Fox, which has made a tidy living ruining things that should be good. If Fox doesn't act soon, the excitement that some fans may feel about the man who directed the first brilliant installment of the franchise will turn into full-fledged enthusiasm. Perhaps this is all a part of Fox's new, even more devious plan: build excitement before crushing hopes and dreams like grapes beneath feet or hookers beneath John Goodman. Rest assured that the franchise behind Aliens vs Predator 2 can and will find a way to beat this prequel (the story of which hasn't been clarified) into fecal matter quickly. The addition of a dance number, an all-Pussycat Dolls score, or Zac Effron should serve to once more solidify Fox's establishment as the studio that hates you the most. Don't worry, America, soon everything will be as it should be.

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