Monday, August 31, 2009

I know what I'm gonna do: Barf!

If I'm being honest, which I almost never am, I kind of like both Bad Boys movies. In the first one, Will Smith wasn't quite Big Willie yet, and Martin Lawrence was just untalented, not untalented and fat. It was stupid, fun, and made Tea Leoni look hotter than lava-flavored hot tamales (yeah, TEA LEONI). Then, some time later, came Bad Boys II, which is basically Michael Bay's Sistine Chapel. They invade Cuba in the end. Seriously, you read that right, they INVADE CUBA. Somehow two cops end up driving effin' tanks and whatnot in Cuba. That's just...I mean, you have to admit that's totally rad. Oh, don't get me wrong, it had all the sophisticated intellect of a frat boy discussion on how to get less foam from the keg, but it was still awesome. Thus, The Hollywood Reporter's breaking news that Columbia has hired a writer to start working on a third film leaves me feeling, Lord, I don't know. Yes, they are hoping to get Smith, Lawrence, and the perpetrator of Transformers 2: Rise of the Steppin' Fetchit-bots to come back, but Smith is now WILL SMITH, Lawrence weighs 735 pounds and is I believe 65 years old, and Michael Bay now commands a directorial salary of 3 billion dollars along with 2 blonde virgins and an unnamed foreign country. Obviously, without them this means nothing, but with them it could be a bookend to the dumbest enjoyable action trilogy that's ever existed. Besides, Lawrence needs the work (physically for his impending diabetes and heart trouble and financially if he wants to keep the house that "Damn, Gina" built). My only request: they have to up the ante on the ridiculous racial stereotyping in this one. I mean, Bay HAS to challenge himself somehow.

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