Thursday, August 13, 2009

Ryan's Junk Drawer

It's that point in the week where I run out all of the interesting bits that aren't quite interesting enough to warrant an entire post (meaning, I don't have enough sarcasm to sustain a full paragraph, which is sad). Let's just stick a hand right on in that grab bag with no regard to the possibility of broken glass or a snake! Here's the top 5 almost-important stories of the week!

1.) According to HitFix, Brian Singer may be getting ready to work on a Battlestar Galactica movie. Wait, what?! There's no way it will follow the series that kicked ass (yes, I like the finale, I know it was flawed but SO AM I AND SO ARE YOU, DAMMIT), but it also can't help but borrow heavily from that bad-ass gold standard of remake/rebooting. Oh, sure, we've all wanted to see a male Starbuck again (even though, at this point, it will only further my sexual confusion), but this one is a long shot if you ask me. As Drew McWeeny (don't laugh, he can kick your ass with words) says, it's doubtful that Singer would take on a franchise that JUST HAD a popular remake done, but you know that studios are persuasive with their dollar-dollar-bills, y'all. Sadly, even if it sucks, I'm there. So, maybe that's why they're doing it.

2.) Despite never having been interesting in any way and basically resembling a nude male model, Namor (aka The Sub Mariner, aka pretty-much Aquaman with less clothes and more strength) is still getting a movie?! Marvel doesn't own the movie rights at this point, so no chance of an Avenger-thing happening, which just leaves a standalone story about a guy who is half-nekkid and swims a lot. Universal knows that nobody gives up superhero rights, so they still have Johnathan Mostow attached to direct, but let's face it, this won't ever happen. There's no way to make this character interesting, there's no built-in audience for the character (who hasn't sustained a series in like seven decades), and he's less-well-known than Aquaman. He is unfavorably compared to FRIGGIN' AQUAMAN. Swim away, already.

3.) I want to see the following movie even though there is a high chance of sucking. Yes, it makes no sense whatsoever that a former angel is going to take on the holy hosts (or unholy hosts, whatever) with a pair of machine guns. That said, OH MY GOD AN ANGEL IS SHOOTING AT OTHER ANGELS WITH A MACHINE GUN! There's also creepy demonic possession shit and some cool apocalypse stuff. Yes, we've seen the "your baby is the savior of the world" stuff before, but did I mention that an angel is shooting guns at other angels? Yep, I'm watching it...and you can watch the clip if you can figure out how to beat it's age requirement by putting in your actual birthday or, you know, you can do basic math.

4.) If you like your Harry Potter longer (that sounds sooooo dirty), you're in luck, because Rope of Silicon is reporting that Warner Brothers is looking to squeeze Harry like a Shamwow to get all the cash they can out of him. They are planning some kind of re-release or extended version release of the films. This isn't a regular series, where you can show all of them back-to-back for one long showing. If you were to do that with this franchise, you would go in prepubertal and leave at 30. Seriously, it would take nearly A FULL DAY to watch all of them (let alone EXTENDED VERSIONS), but there are people who will do so. I just don't want to know those people.

5.) Last week I ran a hilarious video spoofing Megan Fox, which you can see below. This week I shall run something of the actual Megan Fox being somewhat humorous (warning, there are naughty words in this too). This does not make me a Fox fan, but it is mildly humorous, so I'll allow it. But beware, you're on thin ice with me still, toe thumbs.

EMBED-Megan Fox Public Service Announcement - Watch more free videos

That's all, you can return to your business now.

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