Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Paul WS Anderson hasn't done anything good besides Milla Jovovich

If I were brilliant writer/director Paul Thomas Anderson (he of There Will Be Blood and Punch Drunk Love), I would find crapmaster Paul WS Anderson and punch the nomenclature similarity out of his face. The WS stands for "weak shit," as that distributor of things that are awful is responsible for so many bad things, not the least of which was Mortal Kombat and Alien Vs Predator. If you think about it, even though Uwe Boll gets all the crap for being the worst director ever, he usually chooses shitty subject matter. Anderson, on the other hand, has ruined stuff that could be cool (seriously, we wanted Aliens and Predators on screen together for how long?). So, when I heard that the maven of mediocrity, the perpetrator of poo poo, the director of dumpage was going to take on "The Three Musketeers," I hoped he meant this:

or this

but he didn't. According to HeatVision, Anderson said the following utter horsepuckey:

“We are definitely modernizing ‘The Three Musketeers’ without compromising the fun of shooting a period piece,” said Anderson, who hopes to shoot in France and Germany. “But in our film, corsets and feathered hats don’t take center stage. Our version is rich in eye-popping action, romance and adventure.”

What the eff does "modernizing" the concept without "compromising the fun of shooting a period piece" mean? You're going to make them all indie rock kids in the 1400s? Seriously, explain yourself Weak Shit, because I'm really confused. It's not like we haven't seen a sloppy remake of this material before...were it not for that beautiful, inspired, original song by Sting, Brian Adams, and Rod Stewart I would curse it's very existence. But unless Weak Shit can somehow once more rejoin the legends of wuss rock for a reunion song, I'm thinking there's no reason for this to happen.

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Blogger Chris said...

Didn't they just make a wire-fu musketeers movie a few years ago?

Oh yes, yes they did. With Tim f'n Roth.

September 03, 2009  

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