Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Start your suicide-planning parties now!

Well, humanity had a good run, didn't we? I mean, sure there was a few acts of genocide, an occasional hate crime, and the entirety of AM radio to apologize for, but we also produced some great moments, like the opening frames of Lost in Translation. So sad it had to end like this. You see, Michael Bay has said he's meeting later this week with Steven Spielberg and screenwriter Ehren Kruger to discuss "ideas" for Transformers 3 (I should hurry up and copyright a robot with a turban called "Sandy Pete" who only yells "CYBER-JIHAD"). They're discussing whether the end-date for humanity...I MEAN the release date for T3: Robo-nut-kick will hit in 2011 or 2012 (FYI: The Mayans predict 2012). Screenwriters Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci are "busy," which is good because they can occasionally make me happy (like with "Alias" and Star Trek) and can occasionally make me want to punch them in their stupid, rich faces. Before Bay sodomizes our eye sockets with T3, he's likely to do Pain and Gain, a film about a couple of steroid-abusing bodybuilders who fall in with organized crime. However, there's also a chance that Bad Boys 3 may sneak in before T3. So, the order may be Pain & Gain, T3, Bad Boys 3 or Bad Boys 3, T3, Pain & Gain. Actually, the order is really (fill in the blank), T3, end-of-humanity. There is a silver lining though, given the fighting in the press, there's a chance Megan Fox won't be asked back!

quietlines Pictures, Images and Photos

Oh, stop being such a drama queen, Megan. It's not that bad.

quietlines Pictures, Images and Photos

Seriously, you have that really crappy looking Diablo Cody horror movie coming out, isn't that something?

quietlines Pictures, Images and Photos

Okay, fine. But you know what, I like you best when you're covering your mouth as tight as possible. Also, I totally see your toe thumbs.

One last note, if the production looks like this:

Transformers and others Pictures, Images and Photos

I'm totally there.

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