Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 6)
You know what's sad? A little girl getting a flu shot who says "don't make it hurts mommy...don't make it hurts." You know what's even sadder? That nobody, and I mean NOBODY (including my wife, friends, strangers, readers, stalkers, advertisers, or gypsies), has bought me any of this, this, this, this, or this. So, really, who's sadder? That little girl or me? Yeah, that's right, I'm sadder than a little girl...wait...
Here's the top 3 things that you should buy me this week but won't because you want me to cry, cry, cry.
1.) You're wrong, this is not embarrassing - My good friend Matt loves himself some Captain America. So it is in his honor that I give to you the newest article of clothing to tapdance the thin line between lame and totally awesome.
Presumably modeled here by a slimmed-down Kevin Smith, notice how this garment serves no less than three purposes. First, it covers your man boobies. Second, it works as a costume, so no need to change when you encounter crime that must be thwarted. Third, I can only assume that if you were to pull the camera back, you would see throngs...flocks...NAY HORDES of women flinging themselves at this gentleman's feet. 80stees.com has it on sale. Get it before you miss your chance and this guy buys them all.
2.) Your post-it note has disgraced my family - You know what's not cool: thumbtacks. You know what is cool? Ninja throwing stars. You know what wouldn't be cool: Ninjas throwing thumbtacks. You know what would be cool: An office employee holding up his notes with throwing stars. Wish. Granted.
Some days I wonder why I even go anywhere other than ThinkGeek.com with my free time. For a mere 10 bones you can have the coolest bulletin board EVER. Isn't that worth it? Yeah, I think so.
3.) I want to go to the season that says I want to go to there - I still don't have "30 Rock" season three yet. Shit, I don't have "The Office" season 5 yet. Buy me both on Amazon, and I'll forgive you for not buying me other things yet.
It's a fine time to point out that, with Christmas time fast approaching, you should really get to buying me crap before it's all snapped up. This is what they call "creating a false sense of urgency." It doesn't work.
Here's the top 3 things that you should buy me this week but won't because you want me to cry, cry, cry.
1.) You're wrong, this is not embarrassing - My good friend Matt loves himself some Captain America. So it is in his honor that I give to you the newest article of clothing to tapdance the thin line between lame and totally awesome.
Presumably modeled here by a slimmed-down Kevin Smith, notice how this garment serves no less than three purposes. First, it covers your man boobies. Second, it works as a costume, so no need to change when you encounter crime that must be thwarted. Third, I can only assume that if you were to pull the camera back, you would see throngs...flocks...NAY HORDES of women flinging themselves at this gentleman's feet. 80stees.com has it on sale. Get it before you miss your chance and this guy buys them all.
2.) Your post-it note has disgraced my family - You know what's not cool: thumbtacks. You know what is cool? Ninja throwing stars. You know what wouldn't be cool: Ninjas throwing thumbtacks. You know what would be cool: An office employee holding up his notes with throwing stars. Wish. Granted.
Some days I wonder why I even go anywhere other than ThinkGeek.com with my free time. For a mere 10 bones you can have the coolest bulletin board EVER. Isn't that worth it? Yeah, I think so.
3.) I want to go to the season that says I want to go to there - I still don't have "30 Rock" season three yet. Shit, I don't have "The Office" season 5 yet. Buy me both on Amazon, and I'll forgive you for not buying me other things yet.
It's a fine time to point out that, with Christmas time fast approaching, you should really get to buying me crap before it's all snapped up. This is what they call "creating a false sense of urgency." It doesn't work.
Labels: Things you should buy me
posted by Ryan at
8:47 AM
1 Comments:
Halloween costume achieved. Idont know why they don't have a Spidey he seems a more popular choice but who am I to argue.
Also it doesn't seem right that the flash hoodie has actual wings on the hood and Caps are only decals. I demand justice.
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