Steven and Stephan UNITE!

Setting aside what can only be assumed to be decades of brutal discussion about the proper phonetics behind their first names, Variety is reporting that Steven Spielberg and Stephen King have realized they must do what's best for the universe...and make a shitty miniseries that sounds like a mash-up between The Simpsons movie and "The Shining." I wasn't terribly interested in reading "Under the Dome," King's latest which involves a giant invisible force field deployed around a town, but now that Spielberg is on board to produce a miniseries for HBO...I'll probably just watch that instead of reading the book. It's an easy way to get hours of my life back...hours I will likely spend watching or doing something else terrible (eg, Day After Tomorrow on FX showing again). Apparently, there's an inevitable warring between two factions of town folk in the book, which is the only interesting thing to me...not because we haven't seen it before but because I like to fantasize about who of the people I know would flock to the opposite side, thus giving me a chance to skewer them on a pitchfork in postapocalyptic survival warfare. What? You guys don't think about that stuff? Well, you should. I mean, really, YOU should. Pitchfork's a'comin'.