Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 18)

I just realized that we're going to have some kind of "column" type feature every day of the week starting next week! That's kind of cool, right? Monday will be Weekend Box Office Results (Haiku Style), Tuesday will be Lost Predictions (I need a better title for that one), Wednesday will be both Lost Reactions (again, better title needed) AND Things You Should Buy Me, Thursday is Ryan's Junk Drawer, and Friday is Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions. Lord do I suddenly have an organization boner. That's just so regimented and orderly that I can barely stand it! Speaking of things I can't stand, I'm actively trying to get Roadside Attractions, who have been AWESOME in the past, to send me a screener of Mystery Team so I can get a review up prior to the DVD release. You know, it's not like me to beg (ahem), but I desperately "want to go to there."



For as much as my loved ones have, over the holiday season, done exactly what this here column asks them to do (namely, buy me things), I would love to shift into "Things You Should Comp Me Because I Will Promote the Shit Out of Them." Which is more of where I'm coming from with this week's entries:

1.) Say "Bonjorno" to the best action figure ever - Slashfilm.com has an awesomely detailed look at the first action figure I've hungered for in a few years. Hot Toys is debuting this beauty, at 1/6 accurate scale, and it has all sorts of interchangeable gadgets and gizmos. Ladies and gentlemen, I give unto you: Lt. Aldo Raines.
I know, it's crazy. It comes with all of this:
Seriously, I know that I'm too old to play with toys, but this isn't a toy. This is a miniaturized Nazi-killin' machine. That detail?! Those knives?! Those guns?! The ability to walk around going "Grazi" and "I WANT MY SCALPS" while fidgeting with a teeny tiny Brad Pitt?! I know the retail will probably be about $200 bucks but...I would be willing to keep it for free.

2.) The ultimate nerd/horror buff Valentine's day - Okay, so Valentine's day is mostly designed for loveless older couples and teenagers who need an excuse to get their horny on. It's a dumb-ass holiday that serves no purpose and I love to mock it. That said, the following gifts from ThinkGeek are the only way to keep the stupid-ass non-holiday (noniday) cool. How's about a gummy heart that bleeds when you bite into it?

See, you devour it?!

Nothing says love like THIS kind of candy! Not for you? Well, do you prefer the affections of a many-tentacled demonic creation? Then I have the air aroma for you! It's the Malignant Dreams of Cthulu in Love scent for your incense burning thingie!
Nothing says love like the sweet embrace of a Lovecraftian monster. And nothing better captures that feeling than the fragrance above. This is genius.

3.) This is funny, I don't care that it's shallow - I know this is simplistic, but you have to admit you laughed.
Get it? It's the Beatles. Get it? Whatever, it's funny.

That's it for today, gang. I'll do better tomorrow when I get to show off my junk.