Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Mark Millar is a lying liar and other things that curdle my milk

About a week ago, I told you that Angelina Jolie was dumping Wanted 2 like a long-time girlfriend dumps her loser, go-nowhere boyfriend who has been mistreating her for years and years after she one day realizes that there's a line of better men standing at her door with money, positive healthy affection, and true love. Of course, I also told you that the jilted ex, comic writer and professional liar Mark Millar, would....well, let's look at EXACTLY what I said he'd say. If we set the DeLorean to February 26, 2010 (or, you know, click here), you can see me say the following: "I GUARANTEE you that Mark Millar, who wrote the original comic, is going to come out and state that the sequel is ON, he wrote the shit out of it, it's going to star some super-secret-mega-star, and be directed by Jesus. Millar is a liar." Well, click here to watch Millar open his lie hole and force a whole lot more lies out of it about the sequel still being on. (A) Nobody is clamoring for this sequel. Nobody even knows why you would have this sequel. No storylines were left out there to explore, no characters were all that compelling, and the only things that made it interesting were Jolie's butt and director Timur Bekmambetov's visuals, neither of whom will be back. (B) Everyone in the world has forgotten about Wanted except the guy who wrote it, so shut it doucheburger. (C) There will not be a sequel to Wanted just because you say there will be. If that shit worked, you'd be writing the Superman movie instead of talking up a nonexistent sequel, asshat.

This may sound angry...and you know what, I kind of am today. Why? Well, I won't bore you with personal details, so let's talk about a semi-professional one (professional meaning entertainment-related) I finished Season 5 of "Weeds" last night. So, basically, I'm pissed for having wasted 7.5 hours of my life on what is the poorest excuse for a season of television I may have ever watched. Characters I love, dearly love, behaved like idiotic cartoons and tread water for 13 whole episodes. I shit you not, this entire season could have been skipped over with a "one year later" card without losing an iota of significance. I won't spoil things but sweet tap-dancing Betty White this was a piece of shit season. They pissed on great actors and actresses and made them dance like pathetic clowns. If I had read the scripts, I likely would have just quit if I were them. Anyway, this is part of the reason I want to punch Mark Millar in his stupid lie hole. What can I say? I'm a dumpster full of drop kicks, you knew this going in.

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