Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Tuesday Quick Hits

It's a weird Tuesday. There's a bunch of low-level news floating about like purple horseshoes in my Lucky Charms bowl, and I couldn't decide whether to eat up now or save them until after I ate the far-more nutritious but far-less tasty non-marshmallow material. I could stretch one or two of these into full posts and save others until my junk is unleashed upon the world on Thursday...or I could just do the equivalent of a mini-junk exposure right now. I went with the latter.

Here are some weird and unimportant news nuggets for your Tuesday. See, I can shake things up.

1.) Spinach sponsors, get ready - Variety announced that Sony is making a 3D, CGI Popeye movie. Two thoughts: (1) - The last time we had a Popeye movie, it looked like this:

And that was WITH one of the greatest directors in history at the helm (Robert Altman). Allow me to submit the theory that Popeye is as unfilmable as the true face of God, as Thomas Pynchon's "Gravity's Rainbow," as an enjoyable Lindsey Lohan movie. Unless, of course, they base the CGI on Rick Baker's character design.

2.) I told you so - Much, much shorter news, but Chris Evans has accepted as Captain America. With that, one of the strangest chapters in comic book adaptations closes. Now, who's going to play Bucky? Throw ole John Krasinski a bone, I could see him in that role.

3.) I told you so, part deux - Wes Craven IS going to come back to direct Scream 4 in between diaper changes. What? Dude is like 117 years old now. We still have no real grasp on what it is the movie will be about, but if original screenwriter Kevin Williams has a brain in his head, he'll make it about remakes somehow. I think the bringing together of the original cast (for the most part) is a good sign that remake skewering may be part of the point. Say what you will, that first Scream was positive genius, starting with the "one scene" marketing campaign featuring a never-hotter Drew Barrymore. Sadly, Neve Campbell is now approaching menopause. You can't go for the same audience, I hope Wes and Kev target the original audience with something clever and not a quick cash grab. Oh, and here's also hoping talk of a new "trilogy" is bullshit.

4.) Crappy video game movie will not die - I loved Spy Hunter as a kid. The cool music (bum bum bum bum bum, bum bum bum bum bum) and the simple but awesome game play were rad...back when "rad" was a word people used. I never once thought, "hey, this purple car driven by some person I never see should really be a movie. I mean, think of the rich characterization that can be had when he encounters an oil slick." Never. Well, over the last decade (no lie), about a dozen false starts have been initiated regarding this scintillating potential franchise...about A GUY DRIVING A FANCY SPY CAR. Another attempt at life is now forthcoming. Whether or not we see this, just know that America is committed to having a movie about a guy driving a spy car. We got health care passed, we can get this too.

5.) I love you, Emma Stone, but... - I think Emma Stone can be a lovely, gravel-voiced megastar.
She's got all of the talent necessary and has made some great flicks (ie, Superbad, Zombieland) but has also made some bad ones (The Rocker) and may be making another one. She's in talks to star in The Help, about a black maid in the South in the 1960s who "speaks candidly." Um, that sounds like terrible race bait material to me. I wouldn't touch that film with a thousand foot pole. How does that not come off either cliched or condescending. Emma, listen, you have a gift. You're both uniquely hot and have an awesome voice. Use that to seek out awesome and intelligent material and not, you know, this crap. If you need further help, you just call me. I'll be here.

Okay, so that's the news that's semi-fit-to-print today.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

So The Help isn't based on the book by the same name? I heard it was pretty good.

March 24, 2010  
Blogger Ryan said...

Oh, it's based on the same book alright...but we all know what happens when Hollywood synthesizes a quality work of nuanced literature into 2 hours...it gets boiled down to its most obvious themes...which just scares me. I should wait to see who helms the thing, but like any character in Star Wars, I've got a bad feeling about this.

March 24, 2010  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How dare you smack the hand of Altman! Popeye was a delight! I've got "He Needs Me" and "Kids" on my MP3 player, because they are GREAT (the former being used in "Punch Drunk Love" too).

Musicals are there own sort of movie. Popeye, Rocky Horror, Moulin Rogue, Annie - these are good & entertaining movies that also happen to have singing and dancing.

Listen, I know you're going to go on about how it isn't the singing & dancing that bothers you, blah, blah- I know you will come up with a list of things that you didn't like about Popeye, as a MOVIE, not a musical. Whatever. It was fun & sweet.

March 25, 2010  
Blogger Ryan said...

Okay...you caught me...I kind of liked Popeye. I just thought it was mostly ridiculous. Also, you made an EXCELLENT choice in the movies that you chose to point out, other than Annie. My general rule of thumb is actually that I rather enjoy movie musicals that were DESIGNED to be MOVIE musicals, but that I loathe adaptations of stage musicals. Adaptations of stage musicals feel confined and ridiculous, with song after song about what someone is GOING to do or where they're GOING to go without them ever going there, because the stage had prevented them from doing so. Popeye was rather fun and sweet, even though it just didn't seem "right" somehow. Point taken though. I love to hear some sassy commenting.

March 25, 2010  

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