Thursday, April 22, 2010

Ryan's Junk Drawer

"Junk Drawer"

Congratulations! If you're reading this, you have made it to Thursday. Bravo on surviving a full week since last we met to discuss my junk (and by junk, I mean movie news that's not big enough to warrant a full blog post). I've had an insanely productive week, which means I shall reward myself at the first opportunity with meat and beer. Perhaps as early as right now. Thanks to the magic of the internets, you'll never know. As is our special tradition, before I dive headfirst into thoroughly flaunting my massive junk (again, movie news, people), we take a peek at the image above from Highlights Magazine (FOR CHILDREN), which is supposedly of an average junk drawer but is obviously the creepiest thing this side of "Charlotte's Web." Each week, we select an item from the illustration above and make up a wacky backstory for it, because it entertains me (and potentially nobody else). Today's item is the green and red pile in the lower right corner. When Claudette didn't receive the Barbie Hot Pink Fun N' Ride Ultra-Wheelie Mega Cycle for Christmas, she didn't get mad. Using the same evil genius that prevented Santa from delivering the gift in the first place, Claudette simply waited 364 days until the following Christmas Eve. Silently, ever so silently, she stealthily positioned herself just outside the chimney of goody-too-shoes Becky Butterbean's house. When she saw her chance, she sprang into motion. She was only able to catch an elf. But he would do...he would do. The terror inflicted upon that little red and green fella...is a tale best left for another day.

Okay, enough with the fun preamble, let's get to this week's peek at my junk!

1.) Because, by God, why not have a Power Pack movie? - It may sound like I'm about to disparage smaller comic book properties in the following paragraph. I am. But it's with love and a surprising amount of hope. Chud dropped the info that Marvel is going to be making movies based on some little-known characters (I mean, of course, little known to "regular" people...those who think a Ka-Zar is Obama's new appointee to watch over all things involving the letter K). These flicks are going to carry smaller budgets (we live in a world where $20-40 million is now a "small budget") and will feature folks like Dr. Strange, Luke Cage, Dazzler, and Power Pack. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Ryan, did you just f**king say Dazzler?" You bet your sweet disco-ball underoos I did. Dazzler, a superhero who was created in the heyday of disco and who can turn music to light or some such crap, is a perfect example of the the type of comic that should be made into a movie. Why? Because nobody cares about Dazzler. Basically, other than a few uber-dorks, what this move allows is for people to make aggressive, unique takes on characters with some measure of promise without the intense worry of studio suits because the budget is reasonable. Personally, I find this exciting. Then again, I own the first appearance of Power Pack. Suck on that.

2.) Robert Downey Jr is magic - Steve King from CD105.9, who is the incredibly kind and funny guy whose radio show I appear on every Friday morning at about 7:35 (you can also listen online), asked me today (I did the show early this week) about the Wizard of Oz shenanigans going on in Hollywood. They want to do something Oz-related really bad in Tinseltown, even if that means urinating on a piece of our collective cultural history so beloved that anyone who doesn't like The Wizard of Oz is either legally stoned to death by age 8 or forced to move to Canada. Personally, so long as they don't remake the movie, I don't mind them playing with the world of Oz...well, I don't mind as much. See, the LA Times mentions that the new project may involve Sam Mendes. You'll remember Sam as the guy who directed American Beauty. He's also the guy who just got divorced from this:
So, yeah, he makes bad decisions. Either Sammy the stupid or Adam Shankman, who directed the exceptionally forgettable Bedtime Stories, will likely direct Oz the Great and Powerful, with Robert Downey Jr starring as the Wizard of Oz. The script is written by the guy who wrote The Whole 9 Yards, so clearly there's no reason to be alarmed. As much as I love Downey, this can't be a good idea, right? When I said they could play in that world, I meant they could follow the misadventures of some minor character, not make a prequel to the classic film. Folks, somewhere over the rainbow, things sure suck.

3.) Spock no more - After a long, storied career, Leonard Nimoy is calling it quits. Likely because he's unable to physically beat away the groupies at his age, the man who made Spock the nerd touchstone that he is has decided to spend his remaining years out of the spotlight. He's said something similar before, but this seems to be the real deal. I would say too bad, but I feel like he's doing the right thing. Hell, at least he had the decency to go out on a good note, relaunching Star Trek. Not like Gene Hackman (Welcome to Mooseport) or Sean Connery (League of Extraordinary Gentlemen). Those dudes should come out of retirement and do one movie together just to clean the poop flavor from their mouths. How do you retire on those films? Anyway, you done good Leo. You done good.

4.) Batman 3 may not be in 3D...but it probably will - First up, we have news that the real Batman 3 news will actually come in July...or May...or June. The idea being, the timetable is set up as such that if development mirrored The Dark Knight, we'd get an announcement at July's San Diego Comic Convention about the title and a major piece of casting, along with a release date. Maybe that happens before the Con, maybe it happens after. What you'll find about the third Christopher Nolan Bat film is that nobody knows anything and that doesn't stop people from talking about it. Aint it Cool News actually got some important news, in that they got the cinematographer who worked with Nolan on the last 2 flicks to say that neither he nor Nolan wants to do Batman 3 in 3D. Woo hoo! So, what will probably happen is, they'll do the film in 3D. Look, the studio isn't going to throw away literally tens of millions of dollars. They will force Nolan to do 3D unless he's willing to walk over it, which I doubt he is. The only possibility is that he convinces them that they can get the same sort of bump by just doing IMAX screenings, because he loves that format. I agree with him. The scenes in IMAX from The Dark Knight were the film's best. So there you have it: it may or may not be in 3D and it may or may not be officially announced some time in the near future. Ah, the nonsense of Bat-news.

5.) Trailers, Parked - This week brings us ladies who are killers, a lady who is killer hot, and Robert Duvall. I'll take all three please.

First up is John Woo's Reign of Assassins. Yes, it looks like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but I loved that movie, so I don't care. It's been awhile since I've seen a flick like this on the big screen, so I'm ready for it. See for yourself.


Next up is Easy A. This isn't really a telling trailer, but shows off (A) how adorable Emma Stone is, (B) how charismatic she is, and (C) how poised she is to be huge. The film is actually about a high-school girl who tells a lie about how she lost her virginity and finds herself in a situation that she feels mirrors Hestor Prynne's in The Scarlett Letter. I, for one, am actually quite excited about this. Given the good casting and clever idea, this could be the next Mean Girls.


Finally, we have the killer trailer for Get Low, which looks like what would happen if you mixed a non-washed up Tim Burton movie with the Coen brothers. You had me at Bill Murray and Robert Duvall, but the trailer actually goes beyond that. This is surprisingly rising fast on my must see list.


Okay, sinners, that's it for now. Thanks for peeking at my junk, and see you tomorrow for a fun-filled Friday!

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous El Segundo said...

Guess i'm movin to Canada, I survived age 8.

April 22, 2010  
Blogger Ryan said...

This just proves you're not human. Did you ever stop to think that maybe WE'RE the aliens?

April 22, 2010  

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