Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 29)

This column has reached 29. You know what that means: It's about to endure an identity crisis. It's going to be all "Nobody loves me. What have I done with my life? Nobody even reacts or responds to me. And it's sure as hell obvious that nobody wants to write and get information about how to send me products for free." This is what happens when things turn 30.

Quick moment of seriousness: Unlike my Junk Drawer, which you get to peek in tomorrow, I rarely break the farce of this column. I don't expect anyone to buy me any of this stuff. Honestly, I don't. I do sometimes wish that studios would send me DVDs/Blu-Rays to review, just because that's what all the cool sites get, but I really just do this column to be funny and to show off cool nerd shit that I know friends of mine will like. That's all. I realize that I sound like a greedy piggie when I write it...and if this is the first time someone has stumbled on Ye Olde Blog, they may be frightened by the hubris of someone demanding things (or ashamed of the indecency of someone begging). It's all a schtick. Unless, of course, you are someone working for one of the many companies I pimp for free. In which case: GIMMEE, GIMMMEEEEE, GIMMMMMEEEEE!

Here are the three things you should buy me this week:

1.) I'm a big supporter of the nerd soap movement - First, as always, a big tip of my 40 oz to, who is constantly killin' it like an Energizer shark. Second, I can't tell you how ingenious this nerd-hygiene movement is. I was impressed when I saw the Han Solo in carbonite soap bar. That was inspired. Now I see this:
That's entirely made of soap. Yeah, a Nintendo cartridge ENTIRELY MADE OF SOAP. Where from? Geeksoap. See, we've been going at this all wrong people. We've been trying to bring our smelly nerd friends the soap, when we need to make our smelly nerd friends find the soap all on their own. Why does the comic book store always smell like "uh oh" milk? Because nobody had yet thought of a way to convince nerds that soap wasn't harmful to them. Boom. Geeksoap. Remember, as I've said before, you're going to want to buy your nerdlings two of each kind. They're going to keep one mint in box (that joke is funnier when you realize that the flavor of that soap above is mint).

2.) This will be lame if you're not the first person to do it - I'm warning you, this next one is something that should be done immediately or not at all. I have no doubt in my mind that the third time you see such a thing, you'll be talking about how lame it is. But the first time...the first time you see it, you cannot help but admire the awesomeness.
That's a Carstache. You no longer have to dream about turning your car into a circa 1970s porn star: You can do it. Again, I realize that the novelty of this may have even worn off between the time that you saw the image and the time you finish reading this, but still...that's a mustache for your car.

3.) There are literally thousands of these - If I had to pick one, and only one, all-inclusive shirt to display my affection for the greatest television show in the history of broadcasting (and the link above will take you to a billion other options), I would choose this one:
It's always been about characters for me, and it looks damn cool. I'm about to head over to the post where I chat about "Lost," so I thought this was fitting today. It's a great shirt for a great show. Sniffle. I'm getting nostalgic already!


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