Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Finally, I'm SUPPOSED to hate Orlando Bloom

Other than his absolutely pitch-perfect Legolas in The Lord of the Rings trilogy, I have no use for Orlando Bloom and his pretty face. He sucks. Bad. Elizabethtown's only purpose should be to serve as "Exhibit A" in a trial of "People with Taste vs Orlando Bloom." So after years and years of wanting something terrible to happen to his kisser, I'm going to likely get my wish. Variety is reporting that Bloom will play the villain in one of the dueling Three Musketeers movies (the one directed by crapmaster Paul WS Anderson....so, yeah, probably won't be excited about this one). As much as I think certain stories are timeless, does anyone wonder why Bloom is considered to be timeless insofar as he's only cast in movies that take place in the past. Cue Keenan for my "what up with that" question. Do we believe that people in the past were wooden, overacted whenever dealing with any kind of conflict, and all looked like they deserved a wicked face beating? The only exciting part of this is that I get to root against Orlando...provided I can make myself sit through a movie by the bad Paul Anderson. I still think Paul Thomas Anderson should beat the crap out of Paul WS Anderson just for his name alone. I would also pay money to see that. He should beat him up by swinging Orlando Bloom at him. Okay, enough, I'm loopy today.

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