Friday, June 25, 2010

Dude, just make Unbreakable 2

Back in the halcyon days of 2002, a far simpler and gentler time, the name M. Night Shyamalan was associated with sheer badassery. Having followed up The Sixth Sense with Unbreakable and Signs, Shyamalan could have sold his used Kleenex to a studio that would develop it into a major motion picture (with Tom Cruise starring as the Kleenex). Then came The Village...(hey, anybody can make one bad movie)...which was followed by Lady in the Water (or two)...which was followed by The Happening (kill him...kill him with fire!). Now the name Shyamalan strikes "meh" into the hearts of men (and fear into the heart of a studio desperately needing The Last Airbender to start a franchise...despite opening the film opposite Twilight: Eclipse, which will be an astronomical hit because the only thing those fans are more than totally wrong is totally dedicated). Hoping to strike while his iron is lukewarm, Shyamalan is shopping around a new idea, complete with a cast committed to it that includes the following folks:

That's interesting, right, given that Willis is still somewhat high profile, Paltrow is riding off of the biggest two films of her career (both rhyme with Schmiron Schman), and Cooper is pretty in demand right now (although, quick side note, has begun describing him as a doucheboat, a hunky guy who seems like a total douche...I love this term). We don't know much about the plot (Shyamalan HAS to be secretive, it's like his OCD), but we do know a little: it's a dude on the hunt for his missing daughter. So it's like Taken. Only the dad has superpowers. Huhbuhwha?!

Sit back, folks, I'm about to get conflicted. Unbreakable may be one of the top superhero movies ever made. Still. It IS without question the best original superhero movie ever made. For the longest time, I held out hope that the trilogy Shyamalan spewed about early on would actually happen, seeing Willis' character move from newly found powers to full-on hero. I wanted it so bad, I really did. Then he started pooping out poopy poop and we're left with Mark Wahlberg running from trees and some mute Asian kid who can redirect his pee with his mind or something. I'm not saying I won't like The Last Airbender. I may indeed. I just wanted Unbreakable 2. There are some out there who are postulating, given Willis' involvement and the word superpowers, that this new project is somehow that very sequel.

I doubt it. I doubt it immensely. That said, if it is somehow the case OOOOOOOOH DOOGGGIIEEE does that make me happy. Also, they shouldn't make it secret. Drum up excitement early on! If you're having a problem getting it made, leak that you're trying to make Unbreakable 2 and see who comes out in support. I know I will. If not, it should happen, dammit. We get four flippin' Shrek movies, 5 Scary Movies, and 6 Saw films but we can't get 2 films in a series built for it? Sometimes I hate this planet.

Here's the conflicted part: I may love it even if it isn't Unbreakable 2. Given Shyamalan's deft handling of the first film, I may find myself totally enjoying another original take on superpowers that isn't the sequel I've wanted. Wait, am I saying that I would be happy either way? This will never work.

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Anonymous Chris said...

Is there a train of thought anywhere that The Happening may have been a deftly created and so-subtle-it-went-over-my-head satire of apocalyptic films?

Cause I'll promote the shit out of that theory if it'll get me Unbreakable 2.

June 25, 2010  
Blogger Ryan said...

Yes, there is that theory. In my review, I proposed exactly that, that his "twist" in The Happening was that it was a comedy that was sold as a horror/sci-fi movie. I even had specific evidence. If The Reader had good archives online, I'd send you the link, but yes...that was a theory of mine when I was feeling generous.

June 25, 2010  
Anonymous Chris said...

Seconded. Let's put the motion to a vote: all in favor say "aye."


All opposed: shoot yerself in the foot.

I mean c'mon: Marky Mark talked to an effing plastic plant fer chrissakes!

June 28, 2010  

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