Friday, June 4, 2010

If you're a fan of Rush Limbaugh, move on...

Blogs are supposed to be opinionated, and my opinion skews heavily towards the left. It's just a fact. This usually manifests itself in harmless jabs and swipes at Fox News (or Faux News) and the occasional glancing blow at Sarah Palin (be she ever so reprehensibly stupid). I love my GOP-loyal readers, I just respectfully disagree with most of them (the rest of them I disrespectfully disagree with). So it is with great sorrow that I stand before you (or sit before you in text form) to tell you that Deadline is reporting that producer Paul Colford is shopping a Rush Limbaugh biopic. My thoughts are best summarized by fake James Carville.

But that's not enough, folks. It's time for that tradition I haven't partaken of in far too's time for...


1.) Who wants to try my new razor-blade air mattress?
2.) Sauerkraut Popsicle? Don't mind if I do!
3.) I have our weekend planned, honey. It's just you, me, mom, and dad and this copy of Showgirls.
4.) You know what, I think I'm going to buy this whole Ke$ha album.
5.) Wait, let me at least try the month-old milk before you throw it out.
6.) Of course your 13-year-old cousin can have her Twilight-themed slumber party over here!
7.) Why wouldn't I want you to invite your Jewish friend to my Palestinian boss's party?
8.) I can't see too well in my comic book closet, could you hand me that open flame?
9.) Ain't no party like a certified public accountant party, because a certified public account party is responsible!
10.) Trust me, I saw it on "Mythbusters."
11.) I Ryan, take you Lindsay Lohan, to be my lawful wife.
12.) But how am I going to know for sure that it's toxic if I don't at least eat some of it?
13.) I don't hear a rattling sound. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go walk barefoot by those desert rocks.
14.) I'm telling you, pee is sterile.
15.) Dear George Lucas, I was thinking you could tinker just a little bit more with Empire Strikes Back.
16.) And I'm telling you, parachute pants never went OUT of style.
17.) I'll just roll when I hit the ground, nothing will break.
18.) Sure, everyone else seems to like this "Glee" show, how bad can it be?
19.) I'm investing it all in BP stock.
20.) Sure, I'll go. But why do they abbreviate it NAMBLA?
21.) It works better if you snort it.
22.) I'm just going to take advice from the first person who responds to this post.
23.) I say let Ratner direct it!
24.) I just hired Charlie Sheen as my life coach.
25.) I can't find the remote, but at least the TV's stuck on Vh1!

I could go on forever with this, but the moral of the story is obvious: Rush Limbaugh is a racist, sexist, insulting moron with the soul of a demon and the body of a woman considered beautiful in Victorian times.

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