Sorry I'm about to crap on your soul, LOTR fans

There's no easy way to say this, they're doing a sci-fi remake of Lord of the Rings starring Bobcat Goldthwaite as Gandalf, Cheech Marin as Aragorn, and Betty White as the Elf Queen. See, now you're laughing or totally freaking out, either way, you're in a much better mental state for me to tell you that Guillermo Del Toro is backing out of The Hobbit, Peter Jackson can't step in, and the project is now on life-support. Have a nice day! Okay, more info: MGM's bankruptcy has done what a legion of orcs and the resurrected demon of all that is evil himself couldn't achieve. Money woes have moved things along for the sure-to-be-colossal project at a rate akin to Rush Limbaugh sprinting. Delay after delay meant that Del Toro kept passing on projects he wanted to have a hand in while waiting for something to open up on The Hobbit. Jackson is committed to various other projects and likely doesn't want to return to the series after leaving on winning an Oscar. Combine the messy rights issues with the Tolkien estates with the inability of MGM to actually get their finances in order and you have a messy pile of doo-doo that means you're not returning to the Shire any time soon. Good news, though: You don't have to care. Why? Because you can simply pick up your LOTR DVDs and enjoy what is the best fantasy film trilogy ever made. Remember, you don't need to have The Hobbit, you're just being greedy and want more (me too). Still, there's no need to cry about it. So, chin up nerds, either one day you'll get what you want or you'll always have what you already have. You're a winner either way, and that doesn't happen for you often.

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