Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 38)

Yo, yo, yo! What it is, my fine bloggity masses? We've once more reached that point of hump day where I ask you to send me free crap. I kid (mostly), as this is really just about showing you cool stuff out there in the universe, but I do welcome requests for my address at film@thereader.com, especially by makers of cool swag who need someone to pimp for them (in which case, it would be easy out there for a pimp). If you are not the buying or giving type, just sit back, kick your heels up, and read on to see some fairly entertaining pieces of weird nerd coolness available for our capitalist asses.

Here's the three things I want most this week:

1.) My beverage has room for only one rider - I am down with ice cubes. They make my drink cold. I'm down with straws. They bring the beverage to me. I have difficulty with the ice/straw combo. They fight one another for supremacy of the cub, the cubes blocking the straw's flow, the straw puncturing and displacing the ice. It's a centuries long war that could only be quashed by a mating of some kind. Hey Thinkgeek, get them two to knock boots. Whammo.
That's an ice straw. A straw that is also ice. They have the molds to make it at that ThinkGeek link. You can quell years of straw vs ice violence with one slurp. Hats off to this bold invention for peace.

2.) This bread needs more awesome - If I was man enough to propose purchasing (or sending me for free) the Darth Vader toaster some years ago, then by God how can I not support the brilliance that is pirate toast?
You press the plastic onto your toast back when it's only bread, and whammo, the toasting makes a pirate skull and crossbones appear. Then you can eat your PB&J or tuna fish sandwich like a total f**king badass. Who will mess with your decision to eat egg salad now? Seriously, say something to the guy with a f**king SKULL on his toast. I dare you.

3.) Nuff said - This is awesome. You know why. You feel it in your bones. You can't think of a reason not to go to Threadless right now and buy this. Just be careful. Most of you out there reading this know each other, and if you all buy it, it will be embarrassing. So if you do all purchase this, be careful in when you decide to wear it, okay?
You've been warned.