Tuesday, July 6, 2010

New candidate for Mayan apocalypse world ender

Hope y'all had a wonderful and relaxing fourth of July. I know I did, despite serving as an all-you-can devour human buffet for asshole mosquito. Those stupid bastards remind me of Twilight fans. Oh, not because they are basically vampires, but rather because they are incredibly annoying, seemingly everywhere, and only stop irritating me when I slap them. Speaking of things that annoy me beyond what is reasonable, James Cameron is making news again. That threat he's made for a little while now, the one where he drags the carcass of Leonardo DiCaprio on screen again. He's going to release Titanic 3D in April of 2012, provided the dark Mayan God does not incinerate us all before that point. I don't know when the 3D blitz will stop, especially when it is artificially propped up like this. What do I mean? Well, let's face it, the schmucks schlepping to Titanic 3D are the same ones who would have turned up to see Titanic in regular, boring-old 2D. In all the years since the film came out, nobody has once said "I'll tell you what, I'd sure like to see that one again, provided it was darker and the backgrounds were blurry." Other than glimpsing Kate Winslet's bare bosom in as close to real dimensional space as possible, there are zero reasons to do this. It will also make $100 million (I'm serious with that prediction) and convince every movie studio to rerelease everything that ever made money. So there you have it, today's order of hate goes (1) Mosquitoes, (2) Twilight, and (3) James Cameron.

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