Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 46)

It works like this: I ask for things. Nobody sends me those things. I spend the rest of the week drinking, crying, vomiting, and repeating that cycle. I get up on Wednesday and do it again. Obviously, this is not true. I mean, I do some of those things, but mostly for recreational reasons and fun. I just use this space to show you awesome crap that Americans make despite many notable economists telling us that we're actually in a depression. Eff those guys, let's keep making soap in the shape of video games! If you want to send me these products, contact me at film@thereader.com and I'll send you my address (provided you send me proof you're not a crazy stalker...I will accept your word on that). But if you're like the literally dozens of other people who read this page and never send me anything, that's okay too! I love you anyway.

So let's look at the stuff I think is most bitchin' this week:

1.) I wampa it - So apparently, this next item is limited to a run of 1,980. I see why.
That is a plush Wampa with removable/reattachable arm. It's adorably hideous, right? Not only can I recreate one of the finest moments in lightsaber use from the entire Star Was series, but I can cuddle with something that appears to have the matted fur of a rabid dog! Sign my ass up! It's only 50 bucks at the Star Wars shop, which is where I swear 50% of these products come from. You have to admire the marketing might of the series and how, decades later, there's no sign of stopping.

2.) An oldie returns, smaller - I know I've mentioned this ThinkGeek gem before.
But what they've done is make it smaller. See, it used to just be the large size, but now you can get the little mini-umbrella instead! Because, really, if I've thought enough to bring an umbrella, that shit is for ME and not for others who would like to huddle beneath it...unless Natpo or Scarjo are around. So to recap: Smaller umbrella, still looks like you're carrying a sword. That's gotta happen.

3.) Paul Revere would have been boned - You know what? If the Brits had gone steampunk on us in the 1700s, we'd all be speaking English right now.
Threadless has this awesome shirt titled "20 if by Giant Robot" that speculates what would have happened if the Revolution had been written by a smelly kid in your English class who doodles robots on his skin. Seriously, though, even if we lost, this would be WAY cooler to study in history class.

Okay, that's it for this week's wants. See you tomorrow with some junk for you to ogle.

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