Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 52)

Sorry this is late today. Maybe it would be on time if you bought me more things. It's not like I don't make it easy for you to bribe me. If you contact me at film@thereader.com, I send you my address, you send me free things, and then I'm more inclined to capitulate to your whims. Like, let's say you really like the word googleplex and want me to use it more often. You send me some free swag and whammo, I'm talking googleplex left and right. Of course, this is really just a place I gather the weekly cool findings from across the interwebs so that you can see them and buy them for yourselves, because you're selfish. I kid. And by that I mean I'm kidding about the "across the interwebs" part, I usually just check a few sites. The rest of it I meant, as I know somebody out there is buying this stuff and keeping it. Jerks.

Here's what you'll buy yourself this week:

1.) Huggable murder - Nothing is cuter than things with large heads and little bodies. I should amend that to say things other than actual human beings with large heads and little bodies. Dudes who walk around looking like human bobbleheads do not get love. Far more lovable are these fellas:

Sure, they want to poke you with murder sticks until you die, but you want to love them now, don't you? Look at that Freddy, you just want to make him feel loved despite what he did to those kids and what he wants to do to you. It would be great if they made him smell like deep-fat fried chicken. Anyway, these are the cutest way to say "I love horror, but not like that."

2.) Brain food - So Thinkgeek loves to make me want to eat funny things.

The packaging alone here is fantastic. Plus, it comes with an extra vial of blood, you know, for flavor. I love everything about this and really don't care how it tastes. I don't know that I would ever actually EAT these, because I love how they're presented so much, but you have to applaud the nerds of the world for figuring out how to further capitalize on this zombie craze.

3.) The ponytail makes this work - It's obvious, yes, but also awesome.

Threadless has the only homage to Steven Seagal you'll ever need, Steven Seagull. I will point out that the only thing better would have been showing that he also flies like a girl. I wonder if his bird incarnation also engages in terrible behavior toward women and racism? I'm guessing yes.

That's all I want this week. Now go buy it for yourselves.

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