Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

I would say that guessing the box office champ this week is as easy as pie, but pie is a multi-layered, complex desert with nuances and possibilities that are endless. I will not sully the good name of pies. Guessing the champ is more like "easy as figuring whodunnit on a 'Law and Order' episode guest starring a formerly famous actor/actress." The question is, can Harry and Hermione (who, need I remind many of you out there was all of SEVENTEEN when she filmed this movie...just sayin') defeat the racist robots of Michael Bay and pull of the biggest weekend of the year? Can they overcome the giant swinging techno-testes of the Bayster and his evil, evil movie? No. They can't. But they'll try admirably. They'll fail, but they'll try very hard. Nothing else opened this week because nothing else is stupid enough to go after Harry, which means more haikus about things I've already written many haikus on. Yay for repetition!

Here's how I see it (haiku time):

1.) Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - $93 million

Hormones and evil
which one is more dramatic?
Ask Hermione.

2.) Ice Age 3 - $19 million

I will not see this.
Even if you asked me nice.
...I would for ScarJo.

3.) Transformers 2 - $15 million

Please leave, Mr. Bay.
You've made your point already.
No one heeds critics.

4.) Bruno - $11 million

Borat this isn't.
But no need to cry, Sasha.
You still have Isla.

5.) Public Enemies - $8 million

Johnny Depp still rules,
wants to play Carol Channing.
I say we let him.

Wildcard: The Proposal - $7.5 million

Bye-bye to Sandra.
Your next movie looks worse yet.
But you've still got it!

That's it for me gang, I'm off to horse races, writing until my hand hurts, and moving furniture for my father. In other words, hooray for the weekend?!