Quick clips for Thursday July 9

Don't you worry, Will Smith's gonna be just fine...

Although he made 7 Pounds, the worst film to feature jellyfish since Jellyfish: The Musical, Will Smith is apparently not done making movies. He is, however, enjoying some time off seeing China while his son ruins your memory of The Karate Kid (seriously, can we just call this Yo, Karate Kid and be done with it). Variety is reporting that the man who made a nation repeat the word "jiggy" just because he wanted to is going to reunite with Francis Lawrence, who somehow wasn't executed for his work on Constatine (I kid, I didn't mind that movie...then again, find me a movie with a wet Rachel Weisz I don't like and I'll buy you a life-size Rachel Weisz Pez dispenser...I don't know, I'm probably legally drunk right now). The two will reunite (whether you like it or not) for City That Sailed for 20th Century Fox (the studio who would actually physically eat you for money if they could). The film is about a father who lives across the ocean from his daughter...and somehow his bond with her is so strong Manhattan splits off. Yes, I'm effing serious. Now, if I switch some names (like say, Will Smith for Ryan Gosling and Michael Gondry for Francis Lawrence), this concept sounds almost interesting (seriously, if they don't use Death Cab for Cutie's "Transatlantacism" in the movie, it's only because they are really dedicated to making a crappy movie). As it stands, I'd put it just ahead of Oldboy in my list of rumored Smith projects. I would actually rather see him as Captain America than see him in a movie this hokey. See, it's from F**ks Studios, so they instantly hired the guys behind Ocean's 13 to rewrite the original draft by Andrew Niccol (The Truman Show), because by the transitive property of bad management, making a mediocre third installment is more valuable than making something good. It's the same logic that produced X-Men Origins: Wolverine, so don't question it or you'll have your mouth sewn shut.

Let's talk about Moore, baby

Officially, the reason for this post is because Michael Moore has confirmed that the title of his next movie will be Capitalism: A Love Story (a clever title, if I do say so at great personal risk). Unofficially, let's talk about why everybody hates the shit out of Michael Moore. Oh, don't get me wrong, he's as obnoxious as an opinionated family member you can't talk trash on because you want to inherit money from, but he's also (A) pretty smart and (B) a pretty entertaining filmmaker. Plus, he's kind of right...on a lot of things. Somehow, Moore has become a human pinata (nobody start with the fat jokes...actually, please do, I swear to God I'm going to light this comment section on fire if somebody doesn't start using it) despite being, you know, pretty right about Bush being a giant flaming douchehammer, pretty right about the unnecessary reactions to Columbine, more-than-pretty-right about the douche-itude of GM, and totally right about the effed up nature of the health care system. See, most people don't like MICHAEL MOORE, not what Michael Moore actually focuses on. This is a crazy distinction that has been the backdrop of the media's slobbery wet kiss to Michael Jackson that I just don't understand, as people seem physically incapable of separating the artist from the art, the medium from the message. Fact is, capitalism as constructed by the US has a lot of problems...how do I know that? Because the system pretty much collapsed. Yet, the first thing I see is a tweet from Screen Rant, a guy who gets more free crap than me for his repeating of stuff I repeat way sooner and funnier than him by the way, who basically intimates that Moore should be exploded from the inside out. Is Moore controversial? Yep. Is he biased? You betcha. Is every single director of a documentary biased in some way or another? I'd say about 99% of the time. See, if you hate Moore, you really just hate the liberal point of view, or at least the extreme liberal point of view, which is your right. However, if you're being honest, his documentaries aren't just among the most watchable of recent years, they're downright brilliant. I don't particularly care for Michael Moore (or Bill Maher, but that's a different story) despite my obvious liberal bent. That said, I sure do love the crap out of his movies and I sure do appreciate the intelligent conversations I have afterwards (presumably because I don't talk to people like the guy from Screen Rant). Anyway, this long and rambling post should have been condensed into one sentence "Moore names his new movie Capitalism: A Love Story" but I wanted to stretch it into something more, so I did. Do you hate Mr. Moore? If yes and Democrat, I'd love to hear why, just so I can explain it to those who violently wretch at mention of his name, like I do at the mere thought of Miley Cyr......BLEEECCCH.

Ryan's junk drawer

First and foremost, I'm going to question my own decision to put this first bit into the junk drawer...but seeing as how I've already stretched a one-word post into an entire blurb, I'm going to let myself off the hook here. Don't be mad, okay, it's Thursday (the worst day of the week...oh, sure, some of you will say Monday, but that's not true. On Monday, you're coming off the weekend and haven't been ground down by "the man" yet. Tuesday is okay because you're still not as jaded as you will be. Wednesday is comic book day and, during the winter, "Lost" is on. Thursday, on the other hand, is three full days of work into the week and is standing between you and Friday. It's an asshole day, and it's okay to admit it). Was that a long tirade? I can barely tell anymore.

Anyway, let's see what's the top 5 in the junk drawer this week:

1. The Hollywood Reporter is...reporting that Gary Ross is being brought in to rewrite Spiderman 4. Do I get nervous because this is the guy who wrote both Mr. Baseball and Lassie or rejoice because he did Dave and Pleasantville? More importantly, does this mean that Tom Selleck and/or Kevin Kline may climb out of the whole their in to play Kraven and/or The Chameleon, respectively?
2. Another Hollywood Reporter gem: Julianne Moore dropped out of the HBO movie "Special Relationship" (which is not a movie about nerds and their "delete history" buttons). She was set to play Hillary Clinton in the film about the relationship between Britain and the UK under Bill Clinton, but will be replaced by Hope Davis. This is good because I respect Hope Davis like I respect Hillary Clinton but don't find myself aroused at Hillary Clinton like I do at Julianne Moore. Sorry for that.
3. On his twitter feed, producer Frank Marshall confirms that the story about Indy 5 being a "go" is the bullshit we all thought it was. He said basically that the project is in the idea phase...meaning George Lucas hasn't had an idea bad enough yet. That may not be entirely fair but captures the cultural zeitgeist of the time. If I tell people I didn't mind the last movie, they tend to dismiss everything else I say (including "hey, run! There's a fire!).
4. Proof that I'm not the only loser out there, Slashfilm.com tries to mathematically prove Transformers 2 is the worst movie to make the most money. Such things are considered truisms in some circles, but not in the film community. Here, we rely on cold hard facts...I'm kidding, we smear and insult without reason.
5. Devin at Chud.com (whom I like for no good reason) has posted his first list of 5 Perfect Movies. For those afraid to ride the hyperlinks, I'll mention that he ingratiates himself with his Starship Troopers pick and sullies his argument with Grease. Obviously, perfection is subjective...jeez, it's like the guy is using hyperbole to get attention or something....wait a minute...