God bless people who work harder than me

Slashfilm.com took the time to compile various comic book-related news and info from recent days into one handy-dandy post. Apparently, when you get paid to just work on a blog, you have time for such things. When you have many other jobs, you just post a link to someone else's blog and resynopsize it on your own, adding flippant comments to make yourself feel as though you contributed. This just in: I have now realized that I'm lame. This won't change anything you read here, but know that I know that.

Starting in the same order as those hard workers from Slash (not the guy from Guns N' Roses, who we all know is in no way a hard worker), they report that fellow hard-working blog Collider took part in a conference call with Joss Whedon. If you don't know who that is, I'm really going to have a hard time capturing your interest for the next few minutes. The man picked to direct The Avengers was asked about this task, to which he replied "I have no directing skills." As we all know, this is self-deprecation...although he hasn't done anything NEAR the level of the giganto-flick that this superhero orgy will be. I wonder how many blog hits I'll get for including the phrase "superhero orgy?" Also, that was all of the news reported from that conference call. This begs the question, what was the point of that conference call?

Alvin Sargent has been brought back in to work on the Spider-man reboot's script, which I constantly convince myself is just a nightmare I created in my own brain after bad Thai food. THR notes that Sargent has worked on every Spidey film, which is interesting because that's both a compliment and an insult. Supposedly he's the guy who works on the more emotional stuff...so it's up in the air the degree of responsibility Sargent has in the "emo Peter Parker" department. This incredibly small news nugget only serves to remind me that despite my wishing it away, they really, truly are going to ruin Spider-man, aren't they? They're going to Twilight-up my favorite character in the world, presumably to punish me for something I didn't really do. I'm like the A-Team, really.

Now, the big one. How many of you recognize this guy?

Again, if you don't know him, I'm seriously wondering if you meant to read a different blog this morning. The Playlist talked to a source who supposedly said that Fillion is up for a small role in Captain America and a big, big, big role in The Avengers and beyond. This is clearly nothing more than fan dreaming, but what can I say, it's a good dream. The role is Hank Pym. Ant-Man. This would be incredibly perfect for Fillion, who has deserved not only his own superhero role, but something far grander than "Castle" for a long time now. He has oodles of charisma and a bond with Whedon that some may describe as akin to a "heterosexual life-mate." I don't care if this is just a rumor right now. It needs to happen. So let's push hard, now and make this a reality.

So there you have it. There's the news from other people, collected by someone else, and retyped here for your benefit. I'm a valuable member of society. At least my last name isn't McClammy.

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Weird Holiday News Week Volume Two: How naughty are you?

I really love Slashfilm.com...but I kind of hate that they put the Swedish chef from The Muppets cooking a turkey in honor of Thanksgiving before I did. I was going to do it, I swear. I mean it! I'm the guy who used the phrase Muppet boner for the love of God. You know what, f**k it, I'm putting it up anyway.



Ahh, now I feel better. Moving on...Slashfilm pointed out this cool story from The Chicago Sun Times (via THR) that deals with whether or not watching streaming illegal content on your computer is technically illegal. To all you people who sought out that Erin Andrews nude footage and are now eagerly hoping to squeegee your consciences...sorry. Not only can I not help you Godless perverts, but that's a different kind of illegal video. We're talking about pirated movies. And not pirate movies, although you can pirate pirate movies. I digress. The idea is that it is clearly illegal as the law is written right now to download or disseminate copyrighted materials, but watching it when someone else has done that isn't necessarily illegal. I mean, it likely is, as Slashfilm points out, all it takes is one case of an asshole getting sued for watching something and WHAMMO, we've got precedent. It's a tough call, but personally I think it's naughty no matter how you justify it. I will watch and post bootlegged trailers...because stealing advertising for your movie and reposting it elsewhere is only helping your cause (you actually pay other people to show that, so I'm doing you a free favor). I will not watch bootlegged movies. That's a personal line I can't cross, but I'm curious what others think.

Quick clips for Thursday July 9

Don't you worry, Will Smith's gonna be just fine...

Although he made 7 Pounds, the worst film to feature jellyfish since Jellyfish: The Musical, Will Smith is apparently not done making movies. He is, however, enjoying some time off seeing China while his son ruins your memory of The Karate Kid (seriously, can we just call this Yo, Karate Kid and be done with it). Variety is reporting that the man who made a nation repeat the word "jiggy" just because he wanted to is going to reunite with Francis Lawrence, who somehow wasn't executed for his work on Constatine (I kid, I didn't mind that movie...then again, find me a movie with a wet Rachel Weisz I don't like and I'll buy you a life-size Rachel Weisz Pez dispenser...I don't know, I'm probably legally drunk right now). The two will reunite (whether you like it or not) for City That Sailed for 20th Century Fox (the studio who would actually physically eat you for money if they could). The film is about a father who lives across the ocean from his daughter...and somehow his bond with her is so strong Manhattan splits off. Yes, I'm effing serious. Now, if I switch some names (like say, Will Smith for Ryan Gosling and Michael Gondry for Francis Lawrence), this concept sounds almost interesting (seriously, if they don't use Death Cab for Cutie's "Transatlantacism" in the movie, it's only because they are really dedicated to making a crappy movie). As it stands, I'd put it just ahead of Oldboy in my list of rumored Smith projects. I would actually rather see him as Captain America than see him in a movie this hokey. See, it's from F**ks Studios, so they instantly hired the guys behind Ocean's 13 to rewrite the original draft by Andrew Niccol (The Truman Show), because by the transitive property of bad management, making a mediocre third installment is more valuable than making something good. It's the same logic that produced X-Men Origins: Wolverine, so don't question it or you'll have your mouth sewn shut.

Let's talk about Moore, baby

Officially, the reason for this post is because Michael Moore has confirmed that the title of his next movie will be Capitalism: A Love Story (a clever title, if I do say so at great personal risk). Unofficially, let's talk about why everybody hates the shit out of Michael Moore. Oh, don't get me wrong, he's as obnoxious as an opinionated family member you can't talk trash on because you want to inherit money from, but he's also (A) pretty smart and (B) a pretty entertaining filmmaker. Plus, he's kind of right...on a lot of things. Somehow, Moore has become a human pinata (nobody start with the fat jokes...actually, please do, I swear to God I'm going to light this comment section on fire if somebody doesn't start using it) despite being, you know, pretty right about Bush being a giant flaming douchehammer, pretty right about the unnecessary reactions to Columbine, more-than-pretty-right about the douche-itude of GM, and totally right about the effed up nature of the health care system. See, most people don't like MICHAEL MOORE, not what Michael Moore actually focuses on. This is a crazy distinction that has been the backdrop of the media's slobbery wet kiss to Michael Jackson that I just don't understand, as people seem physically incapable of separating the artist from the art, the medium from the message. Fact is, capitalism as constructed by the US has a lot of problems...how do I know that? Because the system pretty much collapsed. Yet, the first thing I see is a tweet from Screen Rant, a guy who gets more free crap than me for his repeating of stuff I repeat way sooner and funnier than him by the way, who basically intimates that Moore should be exploded from the inside out. Is Moore controversial? Yep. Is he biased? You betcha. Is every single director of a documentary biased in some way or another? I'd say about 99% of the time. See, if you hate Moore, you really just hate the liberal point of view, or at least the extreme liberal point of view, which is your right. However, if you're being honest, his documentaries aren't just among the most watchable of recent years, they're downright brilliant. I don't particularly care for Michael Moore (or Bill Maher, but that's a different story) despite my obvious liberal bent. That said, I sure do love the crap out of his movies and I sure do appreciate the intelligent conversations I have afterwards (presumably because I don't talk to people like the guy from Screen Rant). Anyway, this long and rambling post should have been condensed into one sentence "Moore names his new movie Capitalism: A Love Story" but I wanted to stretch it into something more, so I did. Do you hate Mr. Moore? If yes and Democrat, I'd love to hear why, just so I can explain it to those who violently wretch at mention of his name, like I do at the mere thought of Miley Cyr......BLEEECCCH.

Ryan's junk drawer

First and foremost, I'm going to question my own decision to put this first bit into the junk drawer...but seeing as how I've already stretched a one-word post into an entire blurb, I'm going to let myself off the hook here. Don't be mad, okay, it's Thursday (the worst day of the week...oh, sure, some of you will say Monday, but that's not true. On Monday, you're coming off the weekend and haven't been ground down by "the man" yet. Tuesday is okay because you're still not as jaded as you will be. Wednesday is comic book day and, during the winter, "Lost" is on. Thursday, on the other hand, is three full days of work into the week and is standing between you and Friday. It's an asshole day, and it's okay to admit it). Was that a long tirade? I can barely tell anymore.

Anyway, let's see what's the top 5 in the junk drawer this week:

1. The Hollywood Reporter is...reporting that Gary Ross is being brought in to rewrite Spiderman 4. Do I get nervous because this is the guy who wrote both Mr. Baseball and Lassie or rejoice because he did Dave and Pleasantville? More importantly, does this mean that Tom Selleck and/or Kevin Kline may climb out of the whole their in to play Kraven and/or The Chameleon, respectively?
2. Another Hollywood Reporter gem: Julianne Moore dropped out of the HBO movie "Special Relationship" (which is not a movie about nerds and their "delete history" buttons). She was set to play Hillary Clinton in the film about the relationship between Britain and the UK under Bill Clinton, but will be replaced by Hope Davis. This is good because I respect Hope Davis like I respect Hillary Clinton but don't find myself aroused at Hillary Clinton like I do at Julianne Moore. Sorry for that.
3. On his twitter feed, producer Frank Marshall confirms that the story about Indy 5 being a "go" is the bullshit we all thought it was. He said basically that the project is in the idea phase...meaning George Lucas hasn't had an idea bad enough yet. That may not be entirely fair but captures the cultural zeitgeist of the time. If I tell people I didn't mind the last movie, they tend to dismiss everything else I say (including "hey, run! There's a fire!).
4. Proof that I'm not the only loser out there, Slashfilm.com tries to mathematically prove Transformers 2 is the worst movie to make the most money. Such things are considered truisms in some circles, but not in the film community. Here, we rely on cold hard facts...I'm kidding, we smear and insult without reason.
5. Devin at Chud.com (whom I like for no good reason) has posted his first list of 5 Perfect Movies. For those afraid to ride the hyperlinks, I'll mention that he ingratiates himself with his Starship Troopers pick and sullies his argument with Grease. Obviously, perfection is subjective...jeez, it's like the guy is using hyperbole to get attention or something....wait a minute...