Thursday, August 13, 2009

Suddenly, the phrase "Joe Jonas is Hamlet" is now possible

I can't tell you how many times I've found myself saying, "Shakespeare would really resonate with kids if they could just see it in a movie theater in 3D with musical numbers, you know, like a combination of High School Musical and Harry Potter!" Okay, I'll tell you, that number of times is zero. So, it is a bard-induced bummer that Variety is reporting that "Mark Thomas of Elsinore Films is producing a 3-D musical Hamlet targeting the Harry Potter and High School Musical market." Don't worry, they'll also be doing Macbeth, Romeo and Juliet, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Twelfth Night, and The Tempest, which will likely feature Miley Cyrus grinding on a stripper's pole about how the storm is making her all wet (she asked for that, little horse-toothed hussy). I'm not saying I don't want to expose the kids to Shakespeare (I don't want to expose them to Miley "here's my yum yums at SIXTEEN" Cyrus, that's for sure). That said...we're not exposing them to Shakespeare, we exposing them to a fairly clever but still decidedly NOT Shakespearean adaptation of Shakespeare. The point is the language and the time period. Yes, it is entertaining to stage "Macbeth" in the old west or something, but that's for people who are already familiar with Shakespeare. Look, it's like saying you don't like beer but you like Mike's Hard Lemonade. That's not beer. Sure, it comes in a beer bottle and it contains alcohol, but it ISN'T BEER. It's fine that you don't like beer, but don't put a bunch of sugar in a bottle and then ask for THAT when I ask if you want a beer! Now, I'm thirsty. I don't give two shits if there's singing-and-dancing in three dimensions if it gets kids interested, but it won't. It isn't the means to an end, it's the end to an end, as they're not going to chase down the original "Othello" after they see Hillary Duff or whoever singing "To be or not to!" That's my grumpy rant of the day. BAH HUMBUG!

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