Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Why it sucks that I can't help but watch the next Wolverine movie

I like Hugh Jackman...not as much as my wife does (if I did, it would require a serious reevaluation of our marriage). I like Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. I do not like the last few movies with Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. Why? As near as I can figure, there is some guy at Fox studios (read: F**ks studios) whose job is to shit-up the character. I don't know how you can look at the body of Wolverine's appearances in comics and come up with the steaming hot pile of bantha poodoo that was X-Men Origins: Wolverine, a name that is only slightly more mentally inept than the film itself. Lord have mercy, how do you mess that up?! It's for this reason that I do not care that Jackman told MTV that they are moving the inevitable sequel to Japan and are looking to pull from the Frank Miller-crafted "Wolverine" miniseries that pretty much defined the character. I mean, on the surface it sounds good, but that surface is a liar. Some suit at F**ks will undoubtedly want "more action" or "more superheroes" in it, and it will lose the cool elements that made Wolverine into the most beloved anti-hero for the last 15-20 years. There just isn't enough explosions in the comic version to satisfy the asshats at F**ks, and there's no way they're going to actually follow a story that develops the character of Wolverine, because they don't care about such drivel. If they were interested in doing this right, they would hire on a talented Asian director, employ someone like John Sayles to do the script, and leave all of the extra super-badguys out of it. As it stands, they will likely have McG direct from an Akiva Goldsman script and somehow include Lex Luthor. Oh, and I'm still going to see it, which really pisses me off.

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