Is this comic movie bizarro day?

There is literally exactly ONE way I would be excited for X-Men Origins: Wolverine: Part Deux, and that's if Darren Aronofsky signed on to...MOTHERFU...are you kidding me right now? Darren Aronofsky is seriously circling this movie? For realz? What's next, Martin Scorsese doing Daredevil? Actually, that would be awesome, he should do that. Seriously though, this makes a measure of sense in the insanity: Hugh Jackman worked with DA on The Fountain, a criminally underrated visual poem that's dismissed as snooty when it's really gut-wrenchingly earnest. Plus, DA needs a bank-account-padder to keep making his crazy stuff. Beyond both of those, this guy seems to want to make a comic book movie. Between Batman and Superman, not to mention the non-comic-but-still-nerd-related Robocop saga he got embroiled in, it's clear this dude is determined to try something like this. My biggest concern is that he's working with the douche-legion at Fox. They so badly rogered that last Wolvie go-round that hiring the best director in the business right now is only moderately turning me on to the project. They are going to straight-up Kathy-Bates-in-Misery hobble him. The Japanese setting and bizarre mental backstory does allow some room for cool visual interpretation, but that's provided he gets a story that isn't as grotesque as Rush Limbaugh's politics. It's possible that this is somehow awesome, but it's definite that it's interesting. So kudos if this deal goes through, I will officially move the project from "Oh God, Oh God It Burns" to "Warning: May Cause Mental Diarrhea" in my list of upcoming movies.

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This isn't going to happen.

It's not going to happen. I just want to be clear, there's no scenario, no infinitesimal possibility that Darren Aronofsky is going to direct Wolverine 2, no matter who says he's down to the final two spots in consideration for the gig.
No way it happens. None. Zero. There's a greater chance I'll vote Tea Party. There's a greater chance of the Bears running the table this year. There's a greater chance that gravity will be revoked as a basic principle of physics. No Wolvie, no way.

Except...okay, well Hugh Jackman did rescue The Fountain, Aronofsky's masterwork that people unfairly overlook as pretentious when it is unabashedly romantic. Okay, and he does work for the studio who desperately needs this to be a hit, as they're running out of franchise materials. Right, and he did almost direct the Batman reboot before Nolan came along. And he does need some kind of bank in order to keep making the films he makes, which are very unusual and artistic. And rumors of his involvement have actually persisted for months without disappearing. And he did lose Robocop, which was going to be his marketable movie. Oh my GOD, Darren Aronofsky is going to direct Wolverine 2.

In reality, I still think it's going to be David Slade, the Twilight hack who has done nothing to warrant having me remember his name. But...there is that chance that Aronofsky feels the drive to do ONE mainstream picture...and that there's enough artistic elements in the journey to Japan to drive him. Maybe. Probably not. But maybe.

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Why it sucks that I can't help but watch the next Wolverine movie

I like Hugh Jackman...not as much as my wife does (if I did, it would require a serious reevaluation of our marriage). I like Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. I do not like the last few movies with Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. Why? As near as I can figure, there is some guy at Fox studios (read: F**ks studios) whose job is to shit-up the character. I don't know how you can look at the body of Wolverine's appearances in comics and come up with the steaming hot pile of bantha poodoo that was X-Men Origins: Wolverine, a name that is only slightly more mentally inept than the film itself. Lord have mercy, how do you mess that up?! It's for this reason that I do not care that Jackman told MTV that they are moving the inevitable sequel to Japan and are looking to pull from the Frank Miller-crafted "Wolverine" miniseries that pretty much defined the character. I mean, on the surface it sounds good, but that surface is a liar. Some suit at F**ks will undoubtedly want "more action" or "more superheroes" in it, and it will lose the cool elements that made Wolverine into the most beloved anti-hero for the last 15-20 years. There just isn't enough explosions in the comic version to satisfy the asshats at F**ks, and there's no way they're going to actually follow a story that develops the character of Wolverine, because they don't care about such drivel. If they were interested in doing this right, they would hire on a talented Asian director, employ someone like John Sayles to do the script, and leave all of the extra super-badguys out of it. As it stands, they will likely have McG direct from an Akiva Goldsman script and somehow include Lex Luthor. Oh, and I'm still going to see it, which really pisses me off.