T-Minus 7 days until my life is whole again

"Lost" is ending. I'll give you a second to wedge a Popsicle stick in your mouth to bite down on.

Okay, feel better? This impending conclusion makes many of my fellow Losties sad enough to stream crocodile tears down their incredibly beautiful faces (did I not mention that loving "Lost" instantly makes you insanely good looking? Because it does). For me, the ending is welcomed, even if it is a little bit depressing. I'm a fan of ends, which is the reason why "The Tempest" is probably my favorite Shakespeare play, why I still revere Sir Mixx A Lott as an incredible humanitarian, and why I can watch the final quarter, half, or inning of any sporting event even if I don't care about the teams (notice I didn't say "period," because sports that have period can end in a 0-0 tie, which is like not ending at all). The end is the point, right? I know that the journey is where all of the fun comes in, that you can love the shit out of a show and hate the ending (I'm looking at you "Battlestar Galactica"... and you, Andrew "As your best friend, I feel it is my duty to crap on your pleasant indifference on the ending of that show until you hate it as much as I do" Merczak). But, really, the end matters more than the rest of it because it's the destination we've been working towards for six damn years. Hell, if you had a kid when the show first started, that kid is now in grade school (I wanted to say college, but that didn't sound right).

Basically, all of us Losties have been reading the same novel and we've finally reached the last few chapters. I feel a sense of accomplishment, I feel as though my patience is about to be rewarded, and I feel as though the best discussions of "Lost" are ahead of us, not behind us. Speaking of which, when I visited Chicago recently, I had a great evening with four incredible (and incredibly good-looking) people (they are, remember, "Lost" fans). We talked FOR HOURS about the ins and outs of the show, and it was just fan-freakin-tastic. Knowing that this is our "last chance" this season to do that (which I think is crap because there is no way they wrap everything up, and even if they do we then get to have the "I thought (Fill in the Blank) was awesome/a total cop out" arguments), let's engage this show as much as possible. I know that there are forums some people hang out on to discuss things. Feel free to leave comments on the weekly "Lost" Predictions (which will post Tuesday morning) and "Lost" Reactions (which will post Wednesday morning) columns that include the best of what you find elsewhere. Let's make this a repository for good ideas. I'll start with a few from my main man Doc Jensen, who is so awesome that I just want to hang out with him and down some beer and talk some whacked-out theories.

In his most recent column, Doc takes on the big stuff (after going through an interesting...but weird...divergent inclusion of a bunch of Sting's music...not my favorite side-journey you've made there, Doc). Anyway, here's what I find most interesting about his theories. These are NOT spoilers. They are guesses. Yes, they are guesses made by a smart, smart man but he has been wrong at about a ratio of 10 incorrect guesses to 1, so it's not like he has some kind of divining rod or something. Still, this is your warning, look away if you want. I'll highlight my favorite parts of his responses.

1.) What is the Island

Doc sez - "The Island is the literal manifestation of an old way of looking at the world common to all people — a world full of magic and spirits, angels and daemons. The Island used to be much bigger and occupied much more of the world's psychic geography. The Island once may have even been the whole wide world. But skepticism, cynicism, and disbelief has caused it to shrink away from our mind's eye, becoming nothing more than a slender piece of ephemeral real estate"

Okay, I love that shit. Love, love, love, love it. I think we all had this in mind, really, but it is so perfectly articulated that I love it. It explains why there's multiple religious connotations (Egyptian stuff, Christian stuff, etc), it explains the "afterworld" nature of it, and it nails almost everything it has to succinctly. Also, I'd like to point out, when it comes to magic, my favorite Arthur C Clarke quote: "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

Love it.

2.) What is the monster?

Doc sez it's the Man in Black (MIB). I agree.

3.) What are the numbers?

Doc sez - "The Numbers are a metaphor for our yearning for meaning amid chaos. They have no intrinsic supernatural power"

I agree. I like that those specific ones happen to be components of the crazy equation mentioned in the alternate reality game, but I kind of like this answer too.

4.) Is everyone from 815 connected?

"Remember in The Matrix, when the heroes saw the same black cat stroll past them twice in a span of seconds? It was explained that this experience of literal dejà vu was a glitch in the simulated reality of the matrix that occurred whenever the simulated had to be rebooted or updated. My theory is that the coincidences/synchronicities/serendipities in Lost are something very similar — they are proofs that reality is being tampered with."

Hell yes. This is another fantastic answer. Basically, Doc says that the connections we've seen between people are an outward sign of them being shoehorned together. That Jacob selected them and is now shepherding them to the same destiny and THAT'S why they have these coincidences. What I like about all of Jensen's predictions and theories is that they are elegantly simple today. I think he's right.

5.) What's up with the ghosts?

Doc sez they're manifestations of smokey/MIB (aside from Christian Shepherd). I'm down with that. Christian IS clearly different than the other ghosts. He seems to be sentient. Especially given the short that showed him talking to Vincent with no one else around.

6.) What's up with Jacob and MIB?

This is complicated. Here's Doc's highlights "Jacob and MIB are daemons that fulfill the functions of the Island. Jacob served the additional role of Island caretaker....

I would not assign values of ''good'' and ''evil'' to Jacob and MIB. However, I would say that perhaps both have grossly erred in their respective conspiracies because they violated a rule that is bigger than both of them: the sanctity of mankind's free will. MIB has been using people, notably Locke and Ben, to execute his/its plan. Likewise, Jacob has been using the castaways to subvert MIB's subversion. This brings us to ''The Loophole.'' When MIB spoke of wanting to find a loophole, what he meant was finding a way to make all-powerful Jacob vulnerable so he could kill him. By way of explaining exactly what I mean, let me cite another great story: Nell Gaiman's Sandman, the saga of Morpheus, the lord of dreams. In the final stages of that epic fantasy, it was revealed that much of the story involved a conspiracy by the hero's embittered sister (Desire) to get him to make a big mistake that would trigger a cosmic process that would produce his death. (I won't spoil anything more.) I think MIB tricked/forced Jacob to make a similar error, in this case, violating the holy order of respecting human free will. In trying to stop MIB, Jacob has had to meddle in human affairs to a degree that he's not permitted. (I'm thinking the conspicuous touching of select castaways was a big no-no) The consequence for his transgression is the same one that Adam and Eve received when they decided their own interests were more important than the divine rules: mortality. And so it went that an eternal entity once nigh invincible became vulnerable and killable. That said, I think Jacob knew exactly what he was doing. He broke the rules and knew he'd have to pay the price for doing so."

This is why I love this guy. Thorough. Again, I agree.

7.) How will it end?

Hands down my favorite of Doc's theories EVER, here's what he says:

"In the end, Locke will be resurrected and given eternal life and will assume Jacob's role in the Island's function. As I said two weeks ago: I predict the final scene of Lost will be a redux of the Jacob/Man In Black conversation on the beach scene from last season's finale — instead this time, it'll be John Locke in Jacob's place. As for his adversary, he'll be wearing a new identity — that of Benjamin Linus. It ends with this:

Fake Ben: Do you know how badly I want to kill you right now?

And then Locke looks at him with a knowing glint"

Anybody else just throw up? That's AWESOME, right?!

Okay, a lot to digest, I've rambled too long, but I'm getting excited. Comment away, let's get some talk going, I'm ready to finish the longest "book" I've ever read. Oh, and like I'd forget. Here's Evangeline Lilly.

Okay, I lied, there is one thing I can't live without.