Gilligan's Island: The Movie...it's like "Lost" only dumb

Variety reports that we're inching ever slowly towards a world in which we have a full-length, live-action, "reimagined" feature film of Gilligan's Island. Reminiscent of the moment that humanity first stole fire from the Gods or the first splitting of an atom, this brave take on a classic that defined a generation will be written by Brad Copeland, who hates us all. He was a staff writer on "Arrested Development," a fact I told you "AD" fans in order to crush your mental nuts with the fact that he also wrote the screenplay for Wild Hogs, the upcoming Yogi Bear movie, and is currently working on The Flight of the Navigator reboot. So as near as I can figure, this guy wakes up (possibly from a coffin or on the sticky floor of a public bus), dusts himself off, craps out 2-3 horrible ideas, and resumes huffing bicycle paint and snorting moldy cheese. I can't WAIT to see what he does with Gilligan's Island, which as far as I know was the inspiration for "Lost." Oh, wait, I do have a suggestion for how you can make this adaptation not suck, Mr. Copeland.
That's Evangeline Lilly dressed as Mary Anne. If the movie is 100 minutes of her in slow motion dressed like that, your movie will be an unprecedented success that I will view one million times. If it should contain anything else, like say Ashton Kutcher as Gilligan or on-the-nose casting like John Goodman as The Skipper, I will hire an army of sumo wrestlers to physically consume every frame of film on which you record your film (or whatever computer processor you store the digital material on). I will then have said army of sumo wrestlers fertilize your lawn with their Gilligan's Doody. Then, in the springtime, flowers will bloom that spew death. This is my promise to you. Good day, sir.

Sayid Kills Someone and Other Predictions

I would like to thank the reader who volunteered that title for this weekly "Lost" prediction column. I think I know who it was, but I will respect the anonymity with which it was submitted (your secret is safe with me). Now that we've cleaned our collective pipes (minds out of the gutters, sickos) with the first two hours of the show and discussiongasms that came thereafter, we can begin to settle in to this 3+ month-long ride. I had some nice Facebook discussions and some wonderful email exchanges, but I once more implore you to get in on the comments below. We love this show, so let's talk about it. Also, if anyone has any hot forum news or links, share them. The only rule is no spoilers out in the open (unless it's something that happens on tonight's show that you post in response to tomorrow's recap column).

Okay, moving on. I spent most of this week trying to really think about one question: "Who's the good guy here? Is it Jake...or the Man in Black?!" Doc Jensen, my personal hero, made this point in his column today (great minds think alike, or at least my mind thinks like his great one). He said "if it turns out Jacob is the silver-tongued bad guy, I'm ready for it." Or something like that. With Flocke's angry "I'm disappointed in ALL OF YOU" last week and with his insistence upon free will, I suppose it's POSSIBLE that he's "the good guy" who is angry at his flock (hee hee, Flocke). But I doubt it. The producers HAVE said this boils down to good and evil, and even though they are frequently dirty-dirty-super-dirty liar faces, I believe them here. I also believe this isn't a rope-a-dope, and Jacob's the good guy. Why? Well, first off, Flocke is smokey the monster, and smokey the monster ate the pilot for no reason. He also dismembered French people and Eko and did lots of other things that aren't good. Now, if he is the wrathful God, who is good and just but also really mad, I suppose you can find reasons he may have done this stuff, but it seems unlikely. Plus, I don't need a 6th season revelation that all of the 6th season was spent working for the bad guy. Jacob's people at the temple seem to be guardians of good. At least, that's my take. Anyway, this was my reflection for the last week. Share your thoughts on "who is the good guy" in the comments below.

One other general thought regarding the sideways flashes. There seems to be two schools of thought forming. The first one that says the sideways flash is "real." Some theories are that the castaways join that world upon their death, making the island...purgatory (kind of), even if it is in a weirdly scientific sense. The second one says that the sideways flash ISN'T real, that it is some kind of possibility or scenario that needs tweaking or changing. I don't really like the first choice and I don't understand the second one, although I like it better. I think one thing is for sure, and that's the fact that we're taking for granted that these characters are the same in the sideways flash. With everything so different, why wouldn't these PEOPLE be different. What if Hurley isn't kind, but a douche? What if Kate isn't a sweet runaway who was hurt but a nasty vengeful killer? Things to think about.

God I love this show.

Let's get to the predictions before I lose my steam...oh, and because it's a Kate-centric episode.
What a way to start.

5 predictions for "What Kate Does"

1.) Jack finds out that he's not important - Now, I know we've all seen the previews of a "HULK SMASH" Jack asking why his name is ON a list...but I think the list indicates that he is not one of the people crucial to Jacob's mission. Why? I think this has something to do with Jacob wanting Jack to find his own way. I think he obviously IS important but will be told that he isn't. That or Jacob has finally realized what everyone else realized: You don't want Jack around making plans that will always, always, always backfire and go bad. I think we've been watching Jack get broken and broken and broken. We're going to watch him break tonight.

2.) Claire is not pregnant in the flash-sideways - We saw everyone's least favorite Australian (yes, Russel Crowe, you're off the hook) last week...but we didn't see her belly. The easy guess is that she would be preggers (and she probably is, because I'm very bad at this), but how crazy would it be if she just wasn't. I mean, it would negate her only definable characteristic but maybe that would help her go away. I'm very, very wrong on this, I just know it, but that's the fun of these predictions. I don't make safe bets.

3.) We'll see Christian tonight - One way or another, I should say. With his body missing in the flash sideways and his relationship to Jacob and the Man in Black unclear in the island timeline, it's high time we saw ole Christian again. I still think this guy is going to play a MAJOR role in the series, and it's getting to the point now that we need to see more of him, pronto.

4.) We'll see Widmore tonight - We can't forget about this guy. I don't know if we'll see him in the flash-sideways or the island time, but we're going to see him soon. How cool would it be if he finally arrived on the island with his "army?" How great would it be if he showed up and stood next to Flocke, forming the giant evil war party to take on the temple gang? This could be so cool.

5.) Sayid will kill someone - I don't think Jacob is possessing Sayid, but I DO think Sayid is not Sayid anymore. Just like Ben wasn't kind "little Ben" after he was saved in the toilet water of the temple, I don't think Sayid is going to be so easy to get along with anymore. Yeah, that's right, I think he was MORE laid back when he was just a torturer. Call me crazy, which I am, but I think we're going to see Sayid get his mystical powers going tonight and he's going to flip out and kill someone. Hey, what if he goes all smoke monster? Wouldn't that be rad! A giant Sayid tornado of death. I'm getting excited just thinking about it. Whatever the case, I'm glad he's more important this season.

Okay, that's it. What do you think is going to happen? I want thoughts people! We don't have much time left!!!

UPDATE: My cousin, James, had a facebook note with a good list of questions. I'm posting it here for discussion. So get discussing! (I'm including some of my responses below).

1 Richard said he has been off the island three times, to John Locke, last season. Ok...1) Mittelos Bioscience recruitment of Juliet in Miami; 2) When John Locke was born; 3) When Locke was a young boy. -Is that it? I don't buy a man, who presumably doesn't age, has been around since a slave ship in the 1800s, is able to go off island for the first time in 2004 or so and recruit Juliet and totally act fine, as if he's a company executive, with totally normal behavior (he gives a PowerPoint presentation to Juliet!) -Huh?

Ryan's response - I think Richard is and always has been the ultimate "right hand man." I think he's in the know but has no real power. I think he's telling the truth about his off-island visits. I think he prefers life on the island. As far as his ability to blend in off-island, he's a sharp cookie. I'm guessing he practiced on island.

2. What was Ben's motivation to get everyone back to the island, even John? He has no clue what this bigger chess match is that's going on. And I don't buy he's just evil and never wanted any Lostie's to have their freedom.

This one was easy to me. Ben wanted to get back to the island. That's it. Since he was "banished," he had to trick his way back. He knew that meant getting in on the Ajira return flight, which is why he killed Locke after getting that info. I don't know that he wanted "everybody to come back," he just knew that was the plan and inserted himself in. If he had to get everybody back to get himself back, no biggie. He only cares about himself.

3. What is the loophole?

Le sigh. I really still think it's just that the leader of the others has to kill their "God." Ben was still the leader when he was tricked into killing Jacob. Maybe it's more complicated, but I don't know why it would be. The question isn't really "what's the loophole," it should be "WHY does there have to be a loophole," as in "what are the rules?"

4. Why did MIB use Locke's dead body, and if he used that, did he inhabit Christian's before, also?

MiB used Locke's body because it would get the proper reactions he needed from all parties involved...and no, he didn't inhabit Christian. Christian is something different...

5. Who or what is Christian? I don't believe he's Jacob, even though he was in Jacob's cabin.

I don't know that he's Jacob, but he's definitely FoJ (a friend of Jacob).

6. Who originally came up with the idea that Locke had to die? MIB-Locke? He told Richard to tell Locke during one of the flashes that he must die, and by this point, he was already MIB-Locke. How did he know he had to tell Locke this? He didn't seem to just think of it right there, and this was shown to us after the "Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham" episode, as if we all knew now together that Locke needed these directions. But where did they come from?

Which leads me to my grand theory that all of this has happened before, over and over, and the loophole is where one man finds a spot in the repeat of this history to change the game and get the upper hand. Losties have lived their lives over and over, have been recycled, and re-played as pieces in a chess match or never ending tic tac toe game.

I agree on the over and over thing. It's been a big theory of mine. I'm 99% sure this is the case. In fact, they all but said it with "it ends the same way every time" and Jacob's response of "it only ends once."

7. Why did Sayid see his cat and Kate see her horse?

Ooh, forgot about Sayid's cat. My guess? We never find out.

8. Was Yemi the smoke monster?

Yes. And Alex in the temple.

9. Does the smoke monster care about judging, or does it just care about finding a candidate for its loophole search?

Since Smokey is Flocke, I'll do you one better: He doesn't care about judging, he cares about getting home. That's all he cares about. And remember, he's a person, not a thing.

10. Illana and Braum talked about Lapidus and asked "Is he a candidate?" -For what? A proxy for Jacob? Does that mean Jacob knew he was already going to die, and like MIB, he's looking for a body to inhabit also?

I think body inhabiting is wrong. I think we're too hung up on that. I think it's a candidate for "being in Jacob's army" or "being one of the castaways that turns the tide." We know that Jacob has a list and that Kate, Sayid, Sawyer, and Hurley are on it. I think Illana and Braum didn't know who was on it, and Lapidus may have been in their opinion.

11. Why did they flashback to Juliet's childhood in the finale of last season, but NOT have Jacob appear, like they did in every other flashback of the finale? Ok, she died. So, what was the point of her flashback then?

Simple storytelling to show us that it matters who Jacob touched and who he didn't, in my opinion.

12. Widmore was banished for leaving the island repeatedly, as an Other. But later on, we find out Ben has done so many times himself. Why isn't Ben punished, if this is an island rule?

Nobody called him on it. Nobody crossed Ben. Besides, I thought the REAL sin was having a child off island.

13. The war between Widmore and Ben...became important in season 4 and 5, and now has gone away completely. You had Sayid killing Widmore's people for Ben. Ben had surveillance video on Widmore at his house in Dharmaville. Widmore claimed to be looking for the island. They both claimed the island was theirs. Widmore had Alex killed (did he order that?) and then Ben vowed vengeance, but then chickened out when he saw Dez's son, Charlie. So, that's it? War over? Does Widmore want Ben dead? He couldn't kill Ben when Ben was standing in his bedroom (rules?) but he could send a mercenary team to the island and have him captured/killed?

It hasn't gone away. The War isn't over, it hasn't started yet.

14. Did Widmore want to kill everyone on the island, as plan B, like Keamy claimed?

Yes. I'm guessing he's an agent of the Man in Black.

15. Why can't Widmore find the damn island? He was married to Eloise or at least getting it on with her, and she has the hook up now, and he knows where she lives in L.A., but he can't get some updated coordinates from her?

They don't much like one another I'm guessing, as evident by Farraday not knowing his daddy.

16. What matters more, Ben vs. Widmore, or MIB vs. Jacob? -Their war doesn't seem to be for control of the island, since MIB justs "wants to go home."

Ben vs Widmore IS Jacob vs MIB. It's all the same. They're pawns of Jacob and the MIB.

17. Where is home?

Great question. I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's a when, not a where.

18. What is the smoke monster? Why does it make a mechanical sound?

The smoke monster is the man in black. It makes that sound because it's creepy. Seriously, I think that's the only reason.

19. What is room 23? Who designed it? Why are the Degroots in the images, before you see the message "Jacob is good." (-message might have said something else similar). Are Dharma and Jacob related? (I think they are).

Good one again. I think you may be right.

20. What is Jack's ultimate mission? There is no clear cut antagonist, there is no clear cut journey, he has no clear cut flaw. He has no willpower to want anything at this point, really. When do we find out the endgame? What's the cleverness in withholding from an audience and smiling and keeping us engaged by telling us "Trust us writers, we have a master plan" if, with 16 episodes left, we have no inkling what that plan is?

Jack's ultimate mission is redemption. He has a clear cut flaw: HE SUCKS AS A LEADER AND YET LONGS TO LEAD. He must heal others but can't heal himself. His endgame is reconnecting and forgiving his father and learning to follow. I think he will become a servant of the island.

Good questions. What say you all?

T-Minus 7 days until my life is whole again

"Lost" is ending. I'll give you a second to wedge a Popsicle stick in your mouth to bite down on.

Okay, feel better? This impending conclusion makes many of my fellow Losties sad enough to stream crocodile tears down their incredibly beautiful faces (did I not mention that loving "Lost" instantly makes you insanely good looking? Because it does). For me, the ending is welcomed, even if it is a little bit depressing. I'm a fan of ends, which is the reason why "The Tempest" is probably my favorite Shakespeare play, why I still revere Sir Mixx A Lott as an incredible humanitarian, and why I can watch the final quarter, half, or inning of any sporting event even if I don't care about the teams (notice I didn't say "period," because sports that have period can end in a 0-0 tie, which is like not ending at all). The end is the point, right? I know that the journey is where all of the fun comes in, that you can love the shit out of a show and hate the ending (I'm looking at you "Battlestar Galactica"... and you, Andrew "As your best friend, I feel it is my duty to crap on your pleasant indifference on the ending of that show until you hate it as much as I do" Merczak). But, really, the end matters more than the rest of it because it's the destination we've been working towards for six damn years. Hell, if you had a kid when the show first started, that kid is now in grade school (I wanted to say college, but that didn't sound right).

Basically, all of us Losties have been reading the same novel and we've finally reached the last few chapters. I feel a sense of accomplishment, I feel as though my patience is about to be rewarded, and I feel as though the best discussions of "Lost" are ahead of us, not behind us. Speaking of which, when I visited Chicago recently, I had a great evening with four incredible (and incredibly good-looking) people (they are, remember, "Lost" fans). We talked FOR HOURS about the ins and outs of the show, and it was just fan-freakin-tastic. Knowing that this is our "last chance" this season to do that (which I think is crap because there is no way they wrap everything up, and even if they do we then get to have the "I thought (Fill in the Blank) was awesome/a total cop out" arguments), let's engage this show as much as possible. I know that there are forums some people hang out on to discuss things. Feel free to leave comments on the weekly "Lost" Predictions (which will post Tuesday morning) and "Lost" Reactions (which will post Wednesday morning) columns that include the best of what you find elsewhere. Let's make this a repository for good ideas. I'll start with a few from my main man Doc Jensen, who is so awesome that I just want to hang out with him and down some beer and talk some whacked-out theories.

In his most recent column, Doc takes on the big stuff (after going through an interesting...but weird...divergent inclusion of a bunch of Sting's music...not my favorite side-journey you've made there, Doc). Anyway, here's what I find most interesting about his theories. These are NOT spoilers. They are guesses. Yes, they are guesses made by a smart, smart man but he has been wrong at about a ratio of 10 incorrect guesses to 1, so it's not like he has some kind of divining rod or something. Still, this is your warning, look away if you want. I'll highlight my favorite parts of his responses.

1.) What is the Island

Doc sez - "The Island is the literal manifestation of an old way of looking at the world common to all people — a world full of magic and spirits, angels and daemons. The Island used to be much bigger and occupied much more of the world's psychic geography. The Island once may have even been the whole wide world. But skepticism, cynicism, and disbelief has caused it to shrink away from our mind's eye, becoming nothing more than a slender piece of ephemeral real estate"

Okay, I love that shit. Love, love, love, love it. I think we all had this in mind, really, but it is so perfectly articulated that I love it. It explains why there's multiple religious connotations (Egyptian stuff, Christian stuff, etc), it explains the "afterworld" nature of it, and it nails almost everything it has to succinctly. Also, I'd like to point out, when it comes to magic, my favorite Arthur C Clarke quote: "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

Love it.

2.) What is the monster?

Doc sez it's the Man in Black (MIB). I agree.

3.) What are the numbers?

Doc sez - "The Numbers are a metaphor for our yearning for meaning amid chaos. They have no intrinsic supernatural power"

I agree. I like that those specific ones happen to be components of the crazy equation mentioned in the alternate reality game, but I kind of like this answer too.

4.) Is everyone from 815 connected?

"Remember in The Matrix, when the heroes saw the same black cat stroll past them twice in a span of seconds? It was explained that this experience of literal dejà vu was a glitch in the simulated reality of the matrix that occurred whenever the simulated had to be rebooted or updated. My theory is that the coincidences/synchronicities/serendipities in Lost are something very similar — they are proofs that reality is being tampered with."

Hell yes. This is another fantastic answer. Basically, Doc says that the connections we've seen between people are an outward sign of them being shoehorned together. That Jacob selected them and is now shepherding them to the same destiny and THAT'S why they have these coincidences. What I like about all of Jensen's predictions and theories is that they are elegantly simple today. I think he's right.

5.) What's up with the ghosts?

Doc sez they're manifestations of smokey/MIB (aside from Christian Shepherd). I'm down with that. Christian IS clearly different than the other ghosts. He seems to be sentient. Especially given the short that showed him talking to Vincent with no one else around.

6.) What's up with Jacob and MIB?

This is complicated. Here's Doc's highlights "Jacob and MIB are daemons that fulfill the functions of the Island. Jacob served the additional role of Island caretaker....

I would not assign values of ''good'' and ''evil'' to Jacob and MIB. However, I would say that perhaps both have grossly erred in their respective conspiracies because they violated a rule that is bigger than both of them: the sanctity of mankind's free will. MIB has been using people, notably Locke and Ben, to execute his/its plan. Likewise, Jacob has been using the castaways to subvert MIB's subversion. This brings us to ''The Loophole.'' When MIB spoke of wanting to find a loophole, what he meant was finding a way to make all-powerful Jacob vulnerable so he could kill him. By way of explaining exactly what I mean, let me cite another great story: Nell Gaiman's Sandman, the saga of Morpheus, the lord of dreams. In the final stages of that epic fantasy, it was revealed that much of the story involved a conspiracy by the hero's embittered sister (Desire) to get him to make a big mistake that would trigger a cosmic process that would produce his death. (I won't spoil anything more.) I think MIB tricked/forced Jacob to make a similar error, in this case, violating the holy order of respecting human free will. In trying to stop MIB, Jacob has had to meddle in human affairs to a degree that he's not permitted. (I'm thinking the conspicuous touching of select castaways was a big no-no) The consequence for his transgression is the same one that Adam and Eve received when they decided their own interests were more important than the divine rules: mortality. And so it went that an eternal entity once nigh invincible became vulnerable and killable. That said, I think Jacob knew exactly what he was doing. He broke the rules and knew he'd have to pay the price for doing so."

This is why I love this guy. Thorough. Again, I agree.

7.) How will it end?

Hands down my favorite of Doc's theories EVER, here's what he says:

"In the end, Locke will be resurrected and given eternal life and will assume Jacob's role in the Island's function. As I said two weeks ago: I predict the final scene of Lost will be a redux of the Jacob/Man In Black conversation on the beach scene from last season's finale — instead this time, it'll be John Locke in Jacob's place. As for his adversary, he'll be wearing a new identity — that of Benjamin Linus. It ends with this:

Fake Ben: Do you know how badly I want to kill you right now?

And then Locke looks at him with a knowing glint"

Anybody else just throw up? That's AWESOME, right?!

Okay, a lot to digest, I've rambled too long, but I'm getting excited. Comment away, let's get some talk going, I'm ready to finish the longest "book" I've ever read. Oh, and like I'd forget. Here's Evangeline Lilly.

Okay, I lied, there is one thing I can't live without.

I'm hungry for Lost

Why, hello there "Losties," long time no see.

We're still 28 days away from the start of the most important 16 weeks of my life, so I thought this would be a good time to (A) begin making everybody start lusting for "Lost" and (B) set up some ground rules, which are kind of like "Lost" commandments in my book.

Commandment numero uno: Thou shalt NOT spoil anything for anyone anywhere on anything I do. For example: A good comment on my facebook, twitter, or here on this blog would be something like "I cannot believe how crazy that ending was." A bad comment would be "When Sayid ate Jack's face, I peed myself." Don't ruin things. It makes daddy mad.

Commandment numero dos: Thou shalt read Doc Jensen. There are literally hundreds of good sites that have dissections and insight into this brilliant show. None are as good as the Doc. Period. He's far more convinced with seeing what is thematically going on and not simplistically SOLVING everything. Oh, he tries to do that, too, but that's not his goal. He should probably be out fighting crime or something, but I'm glad he uses his analysis on my favorite program. Read him or miss out.

Commandment numero tres: Thou shalt have fun. Make wild conjectures. Think too big. Enjoy as I totally piss myself making terrible predictions for weekly episodes and miss the obvious. Share with others, if you find a cool site, explain what it is without spoilers (and warn if the link contains any) and then post away! This is what has made this show so incredibly fun. Unlike the "X-Files" or "Twin Peaks" (great shows, mind you), the themes and mysteries are so broad-based and entertaining that I may die when the show goes off the air. Die.

Commandment numero quatro: Thou shalt promote the show. Tell others, not just about this blog (which you should do) but about the show itself. For every person out there who said "I tried it, but I just couldn't stand waiting to find out what happened," you now have an answer. Go forth like religious nutsos and pass out flyers that say "Have you considered letting "Lost" into your life."

Commandment numero cinco: Thou shalt agree that Evangeline Lilly is divine and enjoy her repeated photos here.

So happy...

Okay, on to the "new" stuff. First up is a promo released by the gang at ABC, which shows the Losties sitting around "Last Supper" style. Doc Jensen really breaks it down, but the most obvious notes are:

• Locke is in the Jesus position, which either references his PREVIOUS "resurrection"...or a new one
• Sayid is in the Judas position
• None of the old cast members are present despite being in other promos for this season
• Frank Lupidus and Illana are there...and on opposite sides
• Claire is back...ugggggggh

Okay, now on to the really cool one. Over at Teefury, which I pimp ALL the time...so they SHOULD REALLY JUST SEND ME THIS T-SHIRT FOR FREE, they have this:

Before you ask, Shawarma is a Middle Eastern sandwich. This makes me laugh.

Okay, that's all for now, guys. We're going to have so much fun soon...I can't wait.

Don't lose "Lost"

This is kind of a programming note (both for the blog and for your TV) and kind of a chance for me to geek out about "Lost," the best show of my life ("Battlestar Galactica" was right up there until my best friend convinced me how bad the ending was...I disagree with him that it sullies the whole series, but "Lost" still has the chance to nail it out of the park). I usually do a post with predictions on Wednesday morning before the show that night and a recap the next day. Yes, this is a movie blog. No, I don't care. Well, I'll be doing the predictions on Tuesday and the recaps on Wednesday because starting Tuesday February 2, "Lost" is moving to Tuesdays. Ya-BOO! (That's boo-ya backwards...me and Ben, my fellow movie critic not the evil mastermind on "Lost," are trying to start the use of that word instead of boo-ya...feel free to use it). Yes, this means the show goes up against the juggernaut that is "American Idol," and yet I'm thrilled because of how much better it fits my schedule, and this is all about me. It's going to air at 8 pm CST, and I'm going to flip shit. I'm so pumped you have no idea. Starting in January, I'll get the old noodle fired up and start recapping where we're at, predicting the end game, and generally geeking out. But until then, know that the end is coming and enjoy this picture of Evangeline Lilly (who is also on "my list"...speaking of which, it's not an endless list as some have suggested; it consists of Lilly, Rachel McAdams, Kate Winslet, Natalie Portman, and Scarlett Johanssson...so there). And now, pure beauty:

Happy Friday.

Things You Should Buy Me: Volume 2

Welcome to another installment of Things You Should Buy Me. I'm your host, the guy who wants this stuff, and you represent the people who should buy it for me. Let's get right to it. You'll want to take some time right now to find your wallet or purse.

The Office (Season 5)



Still a consistently funny show all these years later and one of my favorite things to put on in the background while performing some kind of menial task, like cooking two lasagnas in one night like I did last night. Oh, yeah, I rocked that effin' kitchen and now I have enough starchy pasta goodness to eat all week long. Anyway, there's a deluxe edition, which you really don't have to spring for unless you want to, because I'd be good just getting this. You can buy it at Amazon, Best Buy, Wal-mart, or any other place where you selfishly shop for yourself while not buying me anything.

Cool "Lost" Art Stuff



There's been a series of ongoing "viral" (noninfectious) art pieces made available for "Lost" and I haven't asked you for a single one. Reward me by going to icangetyoupeanutbutter.com at 11 am CST today. They're only $50 bucks and this one is SUH-WEET. They are limited to 300 prints, so you're going to have to move fast. I'd go to the site now and just wait a few hours so you're ready. Seriously, even cartoon Kate is hot. Did I say that out loud?

Cocktail Chemistry Set



I don't have a ton of parties (shocking, I know), but when I do, I would love to serve and mix booze in a set that looks like this. Seriously, how cool is that?! You don't know if I've given you a Sex on the Beach or a Sucks You Drank Bleach! Fantastic. You can get this sweetness at Thinkgeek.com. So, do that.

Also, you still haven't bought me this:




YOU SHOULD DO THAT

More cool stuff as it is produced.