Friday, May 28, 2010

I'm officially toying with my friend's emotion

The easiest way to explain this is SAT question style: Spiderman is to Ryan, as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is to Cameron. Now, don't get me wrong, my beloved cartoonish fetish spouts phrases like "With great power, comes great responsibility" whereas his says "Cowabunga," so that formula isn't perfect. Still, I remember the interminable suffering I experienced whilst waiting for them to finally make a live-action version of Spidey I could truly enjoy. Let's face it, although thrilling in the 1990s, the original non-animated TMNT movie eventually led to this:

I included this clip because it featured Vanilla Ice giving his rationale for why he accepted the job. Previously, I thought the answer was "during this time in my life, I just do whatever the great Lord Satan tells me to. If I disobey, he'll instantly take my fame away and leave me starring in a Vh1 reality show with a dude porn star, and nobody wants that." Anyway, Cambo, buck up buddy because we have some real movement on a live-action turtle flick that presumably doesn't involve the worst rapper this side of Andy Rooney. According to Deadline, Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes production company is going to be stepping in to help the $60 million flick get rolling. This involvement means we're likely going to actually see this sooner than later, as this company gets shit done, yo. See, turtle-lovers, there's nothing to worry about, whenever Platinum Dunes and Michael Bay is involved, you know the story is the single most important thing. Oh, and April O'Neal will now have size 38 DD breasts, all of the turtles will be equipped with rocket launching machine guns, and at least one of them is going to be crazy racist. GOOOOOO TURTLES!

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