Friday, June 4, 2010

Brett Ratner wants to eff Snow White

That klanging bell you hear is the Ratner alarm going off. I had inched the doomsday clock to one-minute-to-midnight the other day when I realized that Brett "must f**k something up" Ratner hadn't ruined a movie in awhile. Sure as shit, we're now dealing with a Ratner Alert of near-biblical proportions. Folks, Deadline is reporting that The Rat just acquired Brother's Grimm: Snow White.

When not pressed in any way for comment, the hack-master yelped "This is not your grandfather's Snow White." He really said that. Just when you think he can't be any more of a parody of himself, he hypes his upcoming project with "not your grandfather's" crap. So, Snow White is going to be racially tolerant and vote Democrat? Is that how it's not my grandfathers? He then expounded on how in this version the dwarfs are thieves and how there's a dragon or some such nonsense, but I put on my "Ratner-vision goggles" (aka, a blindfold) and was prevented from reading further garbage. Interestingly, Slashfilm has a great post about the number of "not your grandfather" fairy tale flicks in the pipeline, including Tim "You lay off Brett Ratner, I'm turning into him" Burton's Maleficent (the retelling of Sleeping Beauty from the evil queen's point of view), Disney's upcoming live-action Cinderella re-do (which hasn't been done before in literally minutes), and the Great and Powerful Oz prequel. That's a lot of reworked magical shenanigans, which is probably what inspired Ratner in the first place. He's like Beetlejuice, only instead of saying his name three times, he shows up when someone has a series of bad ideas.

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