Cast-a-palooza

It's election day. Obviously, unless you are intentionally hiding it from yourself, you can guess the direction my voting lever pulls. This is a movie blog, and I won't stand up on this soap box and rail on about who you should vote for and why...or even do the whole "I don't care who you vote for, just vote" schpiel because I DO care who you vote for, and if you're going to vote for someone stupid and evil I would, in fact, prefer that you stay home. This is me asking everyone to just do a little thinking, a little objective research, and THEN vote. I truly believe if everyone voted out of reasonable research and not fear, anger, or because they were told to be some media personality, we would be far, far better off. So do that. K?

Now, I mention the election stuff because it set me back a bit. See, I had to vote this morning, which means not starting this blog writing until later, which means I'm running behind. So I had two choices: I could either give you SOME of the casting news explosion today in multiple posts or I could deliver one giant kablooooooey of casting shenanigans all at once. I opted for the kablooey because, hello have you ever met me?

Ladies and gentlemen...start your moderately-interested engines, it's time for CAST-A-PALOOZA!!!! I ask and answer the following questions:

1.) Wolverine may be in X-Men: First Class? - Hugh Jackman took a cab to the set of X-Men: First Class, according to rumors from....someone. There is nothing backing this up, but it's probably true. Why? Because ever since Marvel did that cool Iron Man/Avengers bit at the end, all comic movies (especially Fox copycats) want to do that too. A cameo from Wolverine would fit, Jackman is already preparing for Wolverine 2: Talk to the Claws right now so probably looks like this:
And he's a good guy, a team player, and probably thinks it would be cool. It's a rumor, yes, but I'd like to believe it so I will.

2.) Leonardo DiCaprio is a serial killer? Take that, ladies. The drool-inducer is now going to carve up ladies in Devil in the White City. Not a whole lot of news beyond that, but it's good news. Apparently the giant book that this is based on is really good and DiCaprio hasn't done his obligatory "I'm a famous actor who everybody loves playing against type as a bad guy" role yet. My prediction? His first Oscar. We love to reward people for shit like this.

3.) Tarsem Singh directing Snow White? - Apparently, visionary director Tarsem Singh, who also keeps himself busy composing my nightmares, is going to do the serious, Brothers Grimm version of Snow White, not to be confused with the potential Johnny Depp/Cameron Diaz vehicle that's more goofy and action based. Singh has done some brilliant stuff with more placid, boring material...so the thought of him uncorking on a fairy tale is pretty friggin' great. This is one of those decisions that moves the film from so far off my radar it's not even a blip to OH MY GOD I CANNOT WAIT! Nicely played.

4.) Cameron Crowe wants Scarlett Johansson, Amy Adams, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, or Rachel McAdams? - Just not for the same things I want them for. What? I want them to write haikus for me. What did you think I meant? Apparently one of the following women will be Matt Damon's wife and live in a zoo in We Bought a Zoo, which is the most literal title for a movie since The Dilemma.

She would be a great choice because she loves animals. You can tell by the leopard print.

She would be great to star against Matt Damon because she worked at Hooters. I don't know why that prepares her, but everyone keeps talking about how she used to work at Hooters.

Um, not sure about this one. She was considered for the role of Mary Jane or Gwen Stacy in the Spidey reboot, so being Matt Damon's wife seems a little creepy. Damon's down though.


She deserves the part BECAUSE I SAY SO, OKAY?!

Whoever wins, if this is the actual shortlist, audiences are going to be very happy.

5.) Baz Luhrmann wants Natalie Portman or Keira Knightley? - But not for the same things I want them for. What? I want them to write guest columns on the blog. Jeez, guys, what did you think? Luhrmann is casting his Daisy in The Great Gatsby, which may have Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire in it. He has about 5 names on the list, but you remember how I said I was running behind right? Here's the two that matter, the ones who would do the best job:

She who is rumored for every movie ever: Natalie Portman!!!!

She who only does period pieces: Keira Knightley.

Like I said, there are others, but that's not important right now. I actually think this adaptation could work. Luhrmann is often good (when he's not doing Australia), and the cast seems strong with DiCaprio and Maguire. That's the extent of my thoughts. Gotta run!

Follow me on Twitter.

Red hot for Snow White

First, this rumor comes from Pajiba, and they are roughly as accurate as cupping your ear in Omaha and trying to overhear a conversation in Denver. Second, I don't really care, because this rumor involves:


Third, what is with all the "dark fantasy" business? Actually, scratch that. I have a theory that it is for ladies and some men what stupid sci-fi or action movies are to dudes and some women. So, I'll allow all of this.

Pajiba is reporting that Jean-Pierre Jeunet (as if you couldn't tell by that name, he's obviously Indian) is circling the Brother's Grimm version of "Snow White" with even vaguer rumors that Nat-Po is also considering the gig. This pairing is so perfect for the material that it just feels totally fake. I hope I'm wrong. I hope I get to see the picture perfect Nat-nat running around with dwarfs that promote Marxist ideology, but I have this feeling like I will never be mentioning this again.

Follow me on Twitter!

Brett Ratner wants to eff Snow White

That klanging bell you hear is the Ratner alarm going off. I had inched the doomsday clock to one-minute-to-midnight the other day when I realized that Brett "must f**k something up" Ratner hadn't ruined a movie in awhile. Sure as shit, we're now dealing with a Ratner Alert of near-biblical proportions. Folks, Deadline is reporting that The Rat just acquired Brother's Grimm: Snow White.

When not pressed in any way for comment, the hack-master yelped "This is not your grandfather's Snow White." He really said that. Just when you think he can't be any more of a parody of himself, he hypes his upcoming project with "not your grandfather's" crap. So, Snow White is going to be racially tolerant and vote Democrat? Is that how it's not my grandfathers? He then expounded on how in this version the dwarfs are thieves and how there's a dragon or some such nonsense, but I put on my "Ratner-vision goggles" (aka, a blindfold) and was prevented from reading further garbage. Interestingly, Slashfilm has a great post about the number of "not your grandfather" fairy tale flicks in the pipeline, including Tim "You lay off Brett Ratner, I'm turning into him" Burton's Maleficent (the retelling of Sleeping Beauty from the evil queen's point of view), Disney's upcoming live-action Cinderella re-do (which hasn't been done before in literally minutes), and the Great and Powerful Oz prequel. That's a lot of reworked magical shenanigans, which is probably what inspired Ratner in the first place. He's like Beetlejuice, only instead of saying his name three times, he shows up when someone has a series of bad ideas.

Follow me on Twitter!