Tuesday, August 11, 2009


Vanessa, a good and incredibly intelligent friend of mine, is a Twilight fan. This information was then coupled with the following recent statement from my wife about comments I made to her whilst she was watching what I deemed to be a flaming pile of doo-doo (I believe it was Overboard): "You're a real (insert disparaging noun here) about things you don't like. What if I like them, what's so wrong with that?" I immediately went out and began furiously kicking puppies and insulting children. Yeah, I can be a jerk. I can be a big snob when it comes down to things that I don't like. I will call them stupid. I will flat-out state that I don't understand people who like them, and I will make people feel very bad for being interested in something that I'm not. Wow, I need therapy. With this in mind, I need to clarify two important things (1) I don't ACTUALLY think that people who like things I don't are mentally deficient (unless you're a fan of Nancy Grace, then you lick lead-based paint) and (2) I'm usually just trying to be funny and I don't mean anything by it. I have a closet full of comic books and have (and likely will again) played Dungeons and Dragons. I don't give what I can't take. The reason I bring this all up is...well, MTV just posted 14 seconds of the New Moon trailer (I swear, I just heard a tween chick full-on explode). I'm going to post said clip below (it premieres this weekend when the trailer runs before Bandslam, which is going to make more money than you'd think now) and I'm going to make fun of it. Vanessa, I apologize in advance. I do not think anyone who enjoys this clip below is of lesser intelligence, I simply must mock it (without malice) because it is who I am and this is what I do. Forgive me.

What I've discovered is that you can have fun if you watch it with the sound off and do a voice over on your own. Read this out loud while you watch (okay, you can do it in your head too).

Her - "I'm so sad, the pale homeless guy is leaving."
Him - "Don't cry pretty stoner girl, I have hair like a lion! Plus, I can look like I'm posing for a gay biker magazine, despite only being 12 years old!"
Her - "It may look like I'm staring at your eyes, but I'm actually contemplating your nipples."

Enjoy Twilight fanz!

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Blogger Matthew said...

When i watched this I felt sort of beautiful. If only Tween Fabio would caress my face like that I would feel all-the-way beautiful.

August 11, 2009  

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