Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Things you should buy me (Volume 1)

Look, being a nerd ain't easy on the wallet, okay? I mean, people just assume that all of us became rich and invested in software design companies instead of putting everything we own on Black on the roulette wheel (I was assured that since Red had come up 5 times in a row, Black was "due"). Combine a general lack of funds with a desire to own everything even slightly nerd related and you get a constant feeling of disappointment not unlike an atheist's kid at Christmas. I just want to own everything, is that so wrong? Today will be the first in an ongoing weekly installment of a column I will call "Things You Should Buy Me," because really...you should (or, better yet, you should just have companies send things to me to "test" and "promote" on the site because I am a "whore" who would "do it"...once you get started sarcastic quoting, it's hard to stop). So, here's the first group of shit I expect to find in my mailbox (you can get the address by asking me for it at film@thereader.com...but first you have to tell me what you're giving me so I can decide if I'd rather have it sent to an enemy).

Where the Wild Things Are Soundtrack - Seriously? Karen O from the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs (one of my favorite bands) is doing the entire album with a group of kids?! (A) Those kids are going to come home smelling like fingernail polish, hairspray, and sadness. (B) I wants it. The first song is streaming on something called "Myspace" here. The full album drops on September 29, so start saving your pennies now. I would like it the day of release, please. You can get it anywhere music of any kind is sold, so you have no excuse.

Batman: Arkham Asylum for the X-Box 360 - I don't buy a ton of video games, but this is one you should totally give me. Not only is it supposed to be just bat-tastic, but I've heard it has elements of creepy-awesome and violent-rad. It should have been easy to make a good Batman game by now, but they haven't, so I think you should get me this one to celebrate the achievement. Batman has both comic books and movies with him in it, so it would count as double the research. You can buy it at Wal-Mart while you're there buying jumbo packs of underpants.


Up on Blu Ray...oh, and a Blu Ray player - Look, this is just getting ridiculous. How can I, a well-respected, er, respected, er, somewhat ignored, er, totally obscure movie critic continue to do my job (and by job, I mean mindless, idle blather) without you buying me a Blu Ray player? And, if you buy me that (and really, any one will do), why wouldn't you buy me a disc to go with it. Particularly this one, which comes with the cute lamp thing. Seriously, this isn't a gift for me. It's a gift for you, so that I can keep doing my job. You can buy this when you buy the X-Box game at any store with electronics. Please?

Okay, that will be it for now. But save up, I'll want more next week.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe if all the nerds were able to get Blu-ray players then we could finally have some better choices. Seriously, Citizen Kane isn't even available on Blu-Ray yet - CITIZEN KANE!

August 25, 2009  
Blogger Ryan said...

This reminds me of a discussion I had about who the greatest athlete of all time is (stay with me here). A friend of mine pointed out that if someone is good at something, he/she is the Michael Jordan of said activity. Much in the same way, Citizen Kane is the standard-bearer of every individual genre (The Dark Knight was "The Citizen Kane of comic books"). Also, if you buy me a Blu-Ray, I'll use all of my power to get it on Blu-Ray for you (but I am totally powerless, FYI).

August 25, 2009  

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