Things You Should Buy Me: Volume 2

Welcome to another installment of Things You Should Buy Me. I'm your host, the guy who wants this stuff, and you represent the people who should buy it for me. Let's get right to it. You'll want to take some time right now to find your wallet or purse.

The Office (Season 5)



Still a consistently funny show all these years later and one of my favorite things to put on in the background while performing some kind of menial task, like cooking two lasagnas in one night like I did last night. Oh, yeah, I rocked that effin' kitchen and now I have enough starchy pasta goodness to eat all week long. Anyway, there's a deluxe edition, which you really don't have to spring for unless you want to, because I'd be good just getting this. You can buy it at Amazon, Best Buy, Wal-mart, or any other place where you selfishly shop for yourself while not buying me anything.

Cool "Lost" Art Stuff



There's been a series of ongoing "viral" (noninfectious) art pieces made available for "Lost" and I haven't asked you for a single one. Reward me by going to icangetyoupeanutbutter.com at 11 am CST today. They're only $50 bucks and this one is SUH-WEET. They are limited to 300 prints, so you're going to have to move fast. I'd go to the site now and just wait a few hours so you're ready. Seriously, even cartoon Kate is hot. Did I say that out loud?

Cocktail Chemistry Set



I don't have a ton of parties (shocking, I know), but when I do, I would love to serve and mix booze in a set that looks like this. Seriously, how cool is that?! You don't know if I've given you a Sex on the Beach or a Sucks You Drank Bleach! Fantastic. You can get this sweetness at Thinkgeek.com. So, do that.

Also, you still haven't bought me this:




YOU SHOULD DO THAT

More cool stuff as it is produced.

Things you should buy me (Volume 1)

Look, being a nerd ain't easy on the wallet, okay? I mean, people just assume that all of us became rich and invested in software design companies instead of putting everything we own on Black on the roulette wheel (I was assured that since Red had come up 5 times in a row, Black was "due"). Combine a general lack of funds with a desire to own everything even slightly nerd related and you get a constant feeling of disappointment not unlike an atheist's kid at Christmas. I just want to own everything, is that so wrong? Today will be the first in an ongoing weekly installment of a column I will call "Things You Should Buy Me," because really...you should (or, better yet, you should just have companies send things to me to "test" and "promote" on the site because I am a "whore" who would "do it"...once you get started sarcastic quoting, it's hard to stop). So, here's the first group of shit I expect to find in my mailbox (you can get the address by asking me for it at film@thereader.com...but first you have to tell me what you're giving me so I can decide if I'd rather have it sent to an enemy).

Where the Wild Things Are Soundtrack - Seriously? Karen O from the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs (one of my favorite bands) is doing the entire album with a group of kids?! (A) Those kids are going to come home smelling like fingernail polish, hairspray, and sadness. (B) I wants it. The first song is streaming on something called "Myspace" here. The full album drops on September 29, so start saving your pennies now. I would like it the day of release, please. You can get it anywhere music of any kind is sold, so you have no excuse.

Batman: Arkham Asylum for the X-Box 360 - I don't buy a ton of video games, but this is one you should totally give me. Not only is it supposed to be just bat-tastic, but I've heard it has elements of creepy-awesome and violent-rad. It should have been easy to make a good Batman game by now, but they haven't, so I think you should get me this one to celebrate the achievement. Batman has both comic books and movies with him in it, so it would count as double the research. You can buy it at Wal-Mart while you're there buying jumbo packs of underpants.



Up on Blu Ray...oh, and a Blu Ray player - Look, this is just getting ridiculous. How can I, a well-respected, er, respected, er, somewhat ignored, er, totally obscure movie critic continue to do my job (and by job, I mean mindless, idle blather) without you buying me a Blu Ray player? And, if you buy me that (and really, any one will do), why wouldn't you buy me a disc to go with it. Particularly this one, which comes with the cute lamp thing. Seriously, this isn't a gift for me. It's a gift for you, so that I can keep doing my job. You can buy this when you buy the X-Box game at any store with electronics. Please?



Okay, that will be it for now. But save up, I'll want more next week.