Thursday, September 3, 2009

Ryan's Junk Drawer

This week has been slower than a slug stuck in molasses (I don't know, apparently I felt like using some kind of expression that you'd use if you were born in 1940s Mississippi). There hasn't been much news of any kind, let alone ones that weren't important enough to get their own post. Still, I'm nothing if not resourceful, so here's the top 5 things that STILL didn't stand out despite this week being quieter than a tongueless church mouse on Sunday.

1.) - The Hornet is gonna sting ya face! - Despite rumors that had Seth Rogen's Green Hornet deader than an armadillo with its shell split (I can't stop), it turns out the delay in the date of release for The Green Hornet wasn't a nice way of saying that it ain't gonna happen. Filming has started and Columbia pictures took the time to confirm some rumors. Tom Wilkinson and David Harbour have been added to Michel Gondry's cast. They look like this (image thanks to

the green hornet casting

Nicholas Cage is still in negotiations to be the bad guy, and Cameron Diaz is still sluttin' it up in this. Do I want to see a superhero movie from Gondry starring Rogen? You bet yer ass I do. Do Wilkinson and (the now confirmed) Edward James Olmos inspire confidence in me? You bet yer ass they do. Do Diaz and Cage still make me shudder with fear of horrendous suckitude? You bet their talentless asses they do.

2.) Suck it Hancock - Speaking of superhero movies (which is just about all we do these days), Woody Harrelson is on the cusp of a potential return to relevance given his role in Zombieland and this new Defendor trailer. The movie looks like a creative, inspired little indie riff on the superhero genre; a breath of unique flavor, which is what Hancock could have been if it was done right and what Kick Ass may still be. For now, this little flick looks pretty damn intriguing. Check it out:

3.) We all know someone who loved Boondock Saints - That or YOU are the person who loved Boondock Saints, a somewhat clever, mostly effed up and weird little indie action movie that some people flipped their nuts for. Personally, I thought it was just okay. I watched it once and then went right on living my life. Other people practically started a religion out of it, which is why so many years later we have Boondock Saints 2, in which we can only hope that harm befalls others thanks to a toilet and Willem DeFoe's transsexual freakouts. Seriously, ask yourself why you loved that first movie if you did. My favorite tweet on the release of this IGN exclusive trailer was from Drew McWeeney at Hitfix: "What bet did they lose?"

4.) 3D can't be stopped - When suits find a way to make more money doing something they're already doing, you can probably be assured that they're going to do that, whether it's a good idea or not. Apparently, rumor has it they are retro-fitting Iron Man 2, which was not shot in 3D, to have some 3D scenes. They did the same thing with the Toy Story movies that they're re-releasing this fall and this is apparently going to become the norm. Why? Because they can charge you more for 3D movies. Really, that's it. I'm not saying that it can't deeply enrich a movie's experience, like it did with Up, but when it's not a part of the creative process and you just go back and shoehorn it in...well, being shoehorny is never a good thing. At the end of the day, this probably isn't all that significant, but it does represent a simple truth: 3D is taking over and you can't do shit about it.

5.) Me from 5-7 years ago just got really aroused - Used to be that there weren't no two hotter hotties than Dominique Swain (Lolita) and Shannyn Sossamon (A Knight's Tale). Mmmm, mmm were they smokin' hot. Now, Swain's been doing God knows what, and Sossamon's last role was a brief spot in Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. I should point out, they're still very attractive women and they have joined forces for Road to Nowhere, a noirish romantic thriller in which Sossamon plays the femme fatale lead role. If we're being honest with each other, this is likely going direct to video. Still, given how much my blood pressure would have risen 5-7 years ago at this pairing (think Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis...actually don't if you're at work), I had to at least mention it.

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Blogger Chris said...

Boondock Saints II just got me to pay for a ticket by adding Clifton Collins to the cast. Seriously. I love that crazy-lookin' mo-fo.

And I think the appeal for the first movie was the cat scene. Never saw it coming.

September 03, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wouldn't say that Cameron Diaz' ass is talentless. Cameron Diaz as a whole is untalented. But the ass, by itself, has skills.

September 03, 2009  

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