Ryan's Junk Drawer

How is it Thursday again already? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of inching towards the weekend, but seriously...didn't we just do this? And by this, I mean stare at my junk. And by my junk, I mean movie news tidbits that weren't important enough to stand on their own (like any member of Destiny's Child whose name doesn't rhyme with Shmimonsay Smowles). As is our special Thursday tradition, we begin by looking at the creepy ass junk drawer image taken from Highlights Magazine...FOR CHLDREN. Each week we pick a new element of said image and make up a whacked out backstory for it. Today's image is the cylinder with the lightning bolt on it. By removing the oversized "Lightnin' Bolt" battery from the garage door remote, Carol ensured that her husband would have to exit his car in order to gain access to the house, buying her a few precious extra seconds with which to both hide the bodies and finish a lovely Turkey Pot Pie.

Okay, enough creepy, let's dive into my junk!

1.) Breaking news: George Lucas f**ks with his own movie! - Technically, Lucas is only an "executive producer" on Red Tails, a movie about the Tuskegee Airmen that he's been dinking and doinking with for an eternity (about 20 years or so). The film was directed by Anthony Hemingway (the TV show director, not the writer...he's dead), but First Showing suggests that the Lucas is gettin' all up in the movie's business. Word has it that this isn't about changing framing on a few images or making a few new cool fight scenes...they're changing THE MAIN CHARACTERS AND THEIR STORYLINES. Wowza. I don't have any hopes or expectations for this movie. And as much as I would LIKE to believe this is Captain Throatbeard deciding to make better the crap he crappily wrote the first time, it likely is just more micromanaging for the sake of ego. I have no faith in the man anymore. Why should I? Forget whether the prequels were any good, he hasn't made a significant film in 30 years.

2.) I ain't gonna lie, I don't care about this movie - I'm only posting this so I can talk about Carla Gugino, one of the most desperately underused, beautiful, talented actresses in movies today. Seriously. This is Carla Gugino.
Yeah. Alright, so she's apparently replacing Salma Hayek in Faster, a movie that sounds awful. Billed as a "revenge-thriller," it stars The Rock, Maggie Grace (who signed on to return to "Lost" FYI), and Moon Bloodgood, who was in Terminator Salvation and has the dumbest name not in use by a stripper. I don't care so much about the movie so much as Gugino still working. More of that. More of that please.

3.) A documentary about a comic convention? It's sure to be R-rated fun! - E!,
the only place I've ever cited that is so excited to be quoted that they deploy exclamatory punctuation, is reporting that Morgan Spurlock (who, despite only having one successful film [Supersize Me], may be the second best known documentarian somehow) is teaming with Joss Whedon for a docu-flick following 3 nerds at the San Diego Comic Con. I can dig that. Do I wish that Whedon were, instead, hard at work writing a movie of his own? Yep. See, his TV SHOWS keep getting canceled...so I'm kind of hoping the talented nerd starts making more MOVIES, which can't be canceled halfway through. Yes, he'll have to cram all his goodness into two hours, but I believe in Whedon's goodness cramming powers. Anyway, this will likely be the obligatory "check out the virgins as they act like dorks" combined with "but, wait, see how sweet and funny they are" look at nerd culture. What I really wish they'd do is follow some of the totally normal folks who attend, then a total freakshow (preferably one who is a mean-spirited asshole...they attend cons en masse), and a girl. The girl who realizes her powers while attending the comicon. Seriously, if you have boobies at a con...you are pretty much the supreme ruler. I am not exaggerating. I'll likely see this documentary, but I don't have to, because I've lived it.

4.) DC = Doofuses and chumps - I kid because I love comic books. See, I'm a Marvel guy, but I have nothing but respect for DC. I collect Batman and Robin, Ex Machina, and JSA because they rule, and if they put out something that grabs my attention, I buy it. I like some of their characters, even if for the most part they leave me cold because I can't relate to the legion of aliens, the magically empowered, or the frequently replaced. Still, I'm excited by news that Geoff Johns has been named Chief Creative Officer of DC Comics today, because he's talented. I am, however, saddened that Jim Lee and Dan DiDio are now the Head Co-publishers. Why? Because DiDio is the DiDouche who wants to make more "Watchmen" stuff and because Lee hasn't proven himself to be anything other than a once engaging pencil jockey. I have been left cold and dead by any "concept" Lee touches, and I feel like art in the comic world has passed him by. So even if his job is to screen and manage the artists, I don't have strong faith there. Seriously, DiDio is going to do a TERRIBLE job, too. I have a lot of friends who are DC loyalists and God bless you. My chosen company does incredibly stupid shit on a near weekly basis (although, that whole having Captain America blast the Tea Baggers for being racist thing...that ruled). Still, this only SOUNDS like good news in my opinion. You'll be weeping when "Watchmen 2" hits.

5.) Trailers, parked - Not a lot this week. But we do have two new looks at movies we've already previewed.

First up is Defendor, which looks to be taking a back seat to Kick-Ass despite covering the same subject matter only a bit more grown up.



I think there's room enough in this world for two movies like this, and I actually think it's part of a new wave of moving past the familiar superhero movies we've all gotten a little tired of. I for one, am going to see this.

Next up is the international Toy Story 3 trailer, which I'm only including because (A) I love Toy Story and (B) it shows SOME different stuff.



I wish all kids movies were made by Pixar. How does this not appeal to every demographic in the world except the "largely dead inside" demo? I'm pumped.

Okay, that's it for this week's junk gang. I'll see you tomorrow for our Friday hullabaloo.

Ryan's Junk Drawer

This week has been slower than a slug stuck in molasses (I don't know, apparently I felt like using some kind of expression that you'd use if you were born in 1940s Mississippi). There hasn't been much news of any kind, let alone ones that weren't important enough to get their own post. Still, I'm nothing if not resourceful, so here's the top 5 things that STILL didn't stand out despite this week being quieter than a tongueless church mouse on Sunday.

1.) - The Hornet is gonna sting ya face! - Despite rumors that had Seth Rogen's Green Hornet deader than an armadillo with its shell split (I can't stop), it turns out the delay in the date of release for The Green Hornet wasn't a nice way of saying that it ain't gonna happen. Filming has started and Columbia pictures took the time to confirm some rumors. Tom Wilkinson and David Harbour have been added to Michel Gondry's cast. They look like this (image thanks to Slashfilm.com):

Nicholas Cage is still in negotiations to be the bad guy, and Cameron Diaz is still sluttin' it up in this. Do I want to see a superhero movie from Gondry starring Rogen? You bet yer ass I do. Do Wilkinson and (the now confirmed) Edward James Olmos inspire confidence in me? You bet yer ass they do. Do Diaz and Cage still make me shudder with fear of horrendous suckitude? You bet their talentless asses they do.

2.) Suck it Hancock - Speaking of superhero movies (which is just about all we do these days), Woody Harrelson is on the cusp of a potential return to relevance given his role in Zombieland and this new Defendor trailer. The movie looks like a creative, inspired little indie riff on the superhero genre; a breath of unique flavor, which is what Hancock could have been if it was done right and what Kick Ass may still be. For now, this little flick looks pretty damn intriguing. Check it out:



3.) We all know someone who loved Boondock Saints - That or YOU are the person who loved Boondock Saints, a somewhat clever, mostly effed up and weird little indie action movie that some people flipped their nuts for. Personally, I thought it was just okay. I watched it once and then went right on living my life. Other people practically started a religion out of it, which is why so many years later we have Boondock Saints 2, in which we can only hope that harm befalls others thanks to a toilet and Willem DeFoe's transsexual freakouts. Seriously, ask yourself why you loved that first movie if you did. My favorite tweet on the release of this IGN exclusive trailer was from Drew McWeeney at Hitfix: "What bet did they lose?"



4.) 3D can't be stopped - When suits find a way to make more money doing something they're already doing, you can probably be assured that they're going to do that, whether it's a good idea or not. Apparently, rumor has it they are retro-fitting Iron Man 2, which was not shot in 3D, to have some 3D scenes. They did the same thing with the Toy Story movies that they're re-releasing this fall and this is apparently going to become the norm. Why? Because they can charge you more for 3D movies. Really, that's it. I'm not saying that it can't deeply enrich a movie's experience, like it did with Up, but when it's not a part of the creative process and you just go back and shoehorn it in...well, being shoehorny is never a good thing. At the end of the day, this probably isn't all that significant, but it does represent a simple truth: 3D is taking over and you can't do shit about it.

5.) Me from 5-7 years ago just got really aroused - Used to be that there weren't no two hotter hotties than Dominique Swain (Lolita) and Shannyn Sossamon (A Knight's Tale). Mmmm, mmm were they smokin' hot. Now, Swain's been doing God knows what, and Sossamon's last role was a brief spot in Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. I should point out, they're still very attractive women and they have joined forces for Road to Nowhere, a noirish romantic thriller in which Sossamon plays the femme fatale lead role. If we're being honest with each other, this is likely going direct to video. Still, given how much my blood pressure would have risen 5-7 years ago at this pairing (think Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis...actually don't if you're at work), I had to at least mention it.