Ryan's Junk Drawer

Please imagine me with my legs delicately crossed, sipping what you believe to be hot cocoa but what is really straight, rot-gut moonshine out of an irreverent mug of some kind, sitting in front of a roaring fire made of copies of Hannah Montana on DVD. That has nothing to do with me telling you about the items in my "junk drawer" that are worth noting but not worth their own post, but it's how I like you to think of me.

Here are the top 5 stories I cared about...but not that much.

1.) Like a bad actor in a Shakespeare play, Blockbuster continues its melodramatic death - Hey, apparently this thing called Netflix is catching on and Blockbuster is sucking it because of it. THR is reporting that 960 stores (likely one that you visit frequently) are closing. That's about 20%. Redbox is the new model for on-the-spot renting for those not ambitious or skilled enough to use Pay-Per-View on their cable boxes, and Blockbuster will likely follow suit. I personally hate this, as I like walking into a video store, strolling around, picking up things that may interest me, and then selecting something. I like the experience. Then again, what do I know, I delicately cross my legs. If it were me, I would work on making a reason to go to the stores or Blockbuster won't exist at all anymore. It's time to redesign their model, and the kiosk thing like Redbox sounds good, but won't last long either. I'd try to make renting a more fun experience somehow. Don't ask me how, I don't work for you.

2.) This movie comes with free hubris - Kick Ass hasn't come out yet. I don't even mean the frakkin' movie, I mean the end of the comic book. The movie is going to beat the comic to the stores at this rate. Ugh. Anyway, Mark Millar, writer of the comic book and influential player in the film adaptation, is known for running his mouth like his tongue was Usain Bolt. He supposedly mentioned that a teaser for the sequel is going to appear at the end of the first film...and that the same teaser is going to pay off the first run of the comic series. So...if I'm reading this right, he's saying that they have plans for a sequel to a comic book series that isn't finished and a movie that isn't out yet. It's incredible that this guy can sit with nuts that big. I'm hopeful for the film, hell it has a John Romita Jr animated sequence in it. Most of you don't know what that means, but that's like the single greatest phrase ever to me. Still...wowza, this guy is sure convinced he rules. It reminds me of this one time I met him. You have to understand he has this thick Scottish accent. So I'm at the Chicago Comic Con (shut up) and I'm going through a line of primarily artists having them sketch something for me in my book (really, shut up). I get to Millar and I skip him because he's, you know, a writer. He grabs my book and says "Don't want ME to draw I see? You want a f**king Wolverine? I'll draw a f**king Wolverine." And he did. And it was good. It was quite funny and he was very, very nice...but that kind of shows his stones, don't it?

3.) Stormtrooper's Lament - I'm going to let this one speak for itself. Sure, it's kind of twisted, but I hope that 8 years later we've reached a point where we can use ridiculous sci-fi analogies to laugh at tragedy. If not, I didn't make the damn thing. Don't look at me.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

God, that's funny.

4.) Lincoln's got a case of the creepys - This trailer is for what could be the next Blair Witch, low-budget horror phenomenon. It looks pretty creepy, and what's awesome is that Lincoln is one of the places that's listed as getting the film early! How cool is that! So, watch it, get a little creeped out, and check out our review down the road.





5.) These people love us - Perhaps the best story of the week that's only worth minor mention because it's likely not going to happen: People are trying to stop the release of Love Happens, claiming somebody jacked their screenplay. I have not read their case, I do not have any information as to what actually happened, and I'm convinced they are right...mostly because they're asking for an injunction to stop the film's release. If they win, all of humanity is saved...so, I hope the judge does the right thing.

That's my junk for the week, gang. See you tomorrow to mop up before the weekend.