Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Nobody will admit it, but I'm terrified that Avatar WON'T be number one this week. Oh, it's not because I love discussing a phenomenon or that I'm worried about James Cameron's fragile ego. It's because if Avatar isn't number one, then The Tooth Fairy will be. It has all the hallmarks of the "surprise" Disney hits like The Pacifier and The Game Plan and The Bad Touch (okay, I made that last one up, but it's how those movies make me feel). I am praying that the world realizes that children who see The Tooth Fairy grow up to be serial killers when they're older. Also opening this week is Legion, which I still want to see even if I know it will be bad for me. It's kind of like Taco Bell, I know this is going to burn me on the inside, but I'm drawn to the taste. Then there's Extraordinary Measures, which is trying to capitalize on the optimism and kind story that catapulted The Blind Side, only this stars Brendon Fraser and a not-even-trying-anymore Harrison Ford. Yeah, that's right Brendon Fraser, I just compared you to Sandra Bullock in a negative way. You have less talent than Sandra Bullock. That's gotta hurt. As for Mr. Ford, surely he doesn't NEED to work, so I think he should stop. Retire, dude. Go find Sean Connery on a beach somewhere. Sean Connery is still alive, right? I don't want to be insensitive. Anyway, here's how I see this week going, haiku style.

1.) Avatar - $34 million

There's no more question
This film will beat Titanic.
If only I cared.

2.) The Tooth Fairy - $22 million

Why, Mr. The Rock?
Why would you do this to us?
Did someone hurt you?

3.) The Book of Eli - $17 million

A solid effort.
The box office, not the film.
I haven't seen that.

4.) Legion - $15 million

An angel with guns?
What cool looking imagery.
But I think that's it.

5.) The Lovely Bones - $10 million

This didn't quite flop,
Despite bad reviews and such.
Do as Oprah says?

WILDCARD - Extraordinary Measures - $9 million

BAD Harrison Ford.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Brendon Fraser? What?!