Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Gee. I wonder what will win this weekend? Why, could it be Avatar, the movie that is quickly fostering hate inside of my belly like a piece of wire accidentally ingested by a cow? Months ago, when I saw the film, I thought it was a fun piece of pop candy. I didn't have it pegged for all-time box office domination, so I didn't mind it. Now that it's no longer Avatar but AVATAR!!! I kind of hate it. It may not be fair, but fair is for wussies. With that, I give you my unnecessarily hate-filled, Avatar-topping forecast for the weekend box office.

Here are the predictions (haiku style).

1.) Avatar - $28 million

ENOUGH ALREADY
You now have all the records.
Please feel free to leave.

2.) Edge of Darkness - $24 million

Mel Gibson is back!
He served his time in limbo.
Sugar tits is back!

3.) The Book of Eli - $9 million

Slouching towards a hit
thanks to a lack of options.
January sucked.

4.) When in Rome - $8.5 million

Darling Kristen Bell
why would you make this movie?
I mean, Josh Duhamel?

5.) Legion - $8 million

Nice total last week
Time for you to slip away
We won't remember

WILDCARD - The Tooth Fairy - $7 million

Shame on you, The Rock.
Shame on you a thousand times.
Fame is done with you.