Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Attack of the sequels

Today brings us three sequel news items, two of which involve third sequels. Everybody loves sequels, right? Who doesn't have fond memories of sitting around with the family to watch Big Momma's House 2 or Critters 4? Why, it seems like just yesterday that Scary Movie 4 was playing whilst Granny and Grandpa shared some of their last memories together. Any sequel is a good sequel, right? Especially when they feature Big Willie (and for once I'm not using Big Willie to refer to Nic Cage's hairpiece).

Here's the sequeltastic info:

1.) Men in Black III - Director Barry Sonnenfeld, who redeemed himself with the beautiful "Pushing Daisies," swears to whatever golden calf Hollywood directors pray to that both Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith are back for MIBIII. Thank God. I mean, without Tommy Lee Jones, this thing would have zero chance at the box office. Am I right? No word on plot or an official timetable, but you can sleep a little easier knowing that Smith will be back punching aliens and saying one liners. As I've mentioned before, there is a way to do this film that would be good. They just won't choose that route. Instead, they'll probably hire the guy who wrote Night at the Museum 2...another incredibly important sequel.

2.) Bad Boys III - Martin Lawrence is claiming that the Fresh Prince shall returneth to Bad Boys. This is obviously a little more difficult to swallow, as Martin Lawrence is both totally crazy and mostly washed up. Far from the heyday in which he was in demand by himself, Lawrence is now only as popular as the ensemble he hitches his star to. Remember Wild Hogs? EHHHHHHH!! Trick question! If you answered yes to that, go kill yourself. Nobody should see Wild Hogs, and those that do should bleach their brains of it. If you remember Wild Hogs, you're only going to do something that we'll all regret. Anyway, there's no timetable on this one either, and it comes from crazypants. I just thought I'd mention it.

3.) Avatar 2 - I could care less if we ever "return to Pandora" as the incessant commercials for the release of Avatar's DVD suggest. Once was enough, thanks. Now comes word that James Cameron has revealed where most of the next movie would take place (provided he doesn't lose focus and take another 12 years to make a movie): the oceans of Pandora. Combining Cameron's love of aliens and water, a crossover he mined well with The Abyss, we're going to descend into the totally unique oceans on Pandora to...do something. Who cares! We'll figure out the reason and plot later. Just know that "oooooh, pretty fishie things" are coming!!! Whatever.

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