Friday, August 20, 2010

Web of Lies: Who's gonna be Spidey's gal

We're going to be doing a lot more talkity-talk talk about ole web head coming up here. Not only is the musical made from my imagination, featuring the music of U2 (oddly, it is the soundtrack of every dream I've ever had), going to debut on Broadway soon, but we're heating up fast on the production of the new Spidey reboot, an event unparalleled in its potential to infuriate me. The most interesting thing about the interesting thing I'm about to tell you comes down to what isn't happening: The shortlist for Spidey's "love interest" is being circulated. Note that I said "love interest" and not "Mary Jane." Why? Because it isn't Mary Jane. Didn't I tell you that was interesting? Whether this is Gwen Stacy (it is) or not (it is) nobody is saying (but it totally is), at least not officially (but unofficially, come the hell on, it is). This would excite me if the whole thing weren't being compared to Twilight by some industry folks, and if the dude behind the massively overpraised 500 Days of Summer weren't doing it...and if it weren't an origin story...and if they were going to focus on superhero stuff and not love interests...and I could do this all day.

But you didn't come here to hear me kvetch (actually, you probably did). Here's the short-list along with some photos for reference of the people considered to be Spidey's new love interest:

Imogene Poots
Experience: played Young Valerie in V for Vendetta, Tammy in 28 Weeks Later, Allyson in Solitary Man, Arianne in Centurion, Eva in Chatroom and Amy in the upcoming remake of Fright Night

Thoughts: She looks innocent and young, does evoke Gwen Stacy-like qualities, fairly generic, has a hilarious last name.

Ophelia Lovibond


Experience: Played Marie Kennedy in Nowhere Boy.

Thoughts: Looks more like Betty Brant than Gwen Stacy (not not just her hair color), relatively little experience, looks slightly older, is also a Brit (meaning we would be handing over both Spidey AND his lady to the limeys)

Teresa Palmer

Experience: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice and the upcoming adaptation of I Am Number Four.

Thoughts: Generic blonde, fairly obvious, willingness to star with Nicholas Cage indicates possible mental imbalance.

Lily Collins

Experience: Played Collins in The Blind Side, Kate in the upcoming film Abduction and Lucy in Priest, as well as Phoebe in the new "90210" television series.

Thoughts: Looks like a cute mouse, too "model"-esque, starred alongside Sandra Bullock when she won an Oscar (thus may be partially responsible for that travesty)

Emma Roberts


Experience: who played Addie on the television series "Unfabulous," and Poppy in Wild Child, Molly in Twelve, Grace in Valentine’s Day, and has parts in the upcoming films Scream 4 and It’s Kind of a Funny Story.

Thoughts: More Mary Jane looking, is the most likely choice, is related to Julia Roberts (all hail nepotism), talks a lot in interviews about how she won't do nudity even when nobody is asking her to

Mary Elizabeth Winstead
Experience: Scott Pilgrim vs the World and Live Free or Die Hard.

Thoughts: Clearly best choice, incredible talent and poise, rumored to be already out of the running (of course)

Donald Glover
Experience: "Community," Derrek Comedy, my dreams

Thoughts: Well, if Spider-man can't be a black guy, can he at least DATE a black guy? You laugh, but I think I'm on to something.

More to come as it happens.

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