Cast-a-palooza

It's election day. Obviously, unless you are intentionally hiding it from yourself, you can guess the direction my voting lever pulls. This is a movie blog, and I won't stand up on this soap box and rail on about who you should vote for and why...or even do the whole "I don't care who you vote for, just vote" schpiel because I DO care who you vote for, and if you're going to vote for someone stupid and evil I would, in fact, prefer that you stay home. This is me asking everyone to just do a little thinking, a little objective research, and THEN vote. I truly believe if everyone voted out of reasonable research and not fear, anger, or because they were told to be some media personality, we would be far, far better off. So do that. K?

Now, I mention the election stuff because it set me back a bit. See, I had to vote this morning, which means not starting this blog writing until later, which means I'm running behind. So I had two choices: I could either give you SOME of the casting news explosion today in multiple posts or I could deliver one giant kablooooooey of casting shenanigans all at once. I opted for the kablooey because, hello have you ever met me?

Ladies and gentlemen...start your moderately-interested engines, it's time for CAST-A-PALOOZA!!!! I ask and answer the following questions:

1.) Wolverine may be in X-Men: First Class? - Hugh Jackman took a cab to the set of X-Men: First Class, according to rumors from....someone. There is nothing backing this up, but it's probably true. Why? Because ever since Marvel did that cool Iron Man/Avengers bit at the end, all comic movies (especially Fox copycats) want to do that too. A cameo from Wolverine would fit, Jackman is already preparing for Wolverine 2: Talk to the Claws right now so probably looks like this:
And he's a good guy, a team player, and probably thinks it would be cool. It's a rumor, yes, but I'd like to believe it so I will.

2.) Leonardo DiCaprio is a serial killer? Take that, ladies. The drool-inducer is now going to carve up ladies in Devil in the White City. Not a whole lot of news beyond that, but it's good news. Apparently the giant book that this is based on is really good and DiCaprio hasn't done his obligatory "I'm a famous actor who everybody loves playing against type as a bad guy" role yet. My prediction? His first Oscar. We love to reward people for shit like this.

3.) Tarsem Singh directing Snow White? - Apparently, visionary director Tarsem Singh, who also keeps himself busy composing my nightmares, is going to do the serious, Brothers Grimm version of Snow White, not to be confused with the potential Johnny Depp/Cameron Diaz vehicle that's more goofy and action based. Singh has done some brilliant stuff with more placid, boring material...so the thought of him uncorking on a fairy tale is pretty friggin' great. This is one of those decisions that moves the film from so far off my radar it's not even a blip to OH MY GOD I CANNOT WAIT! Nicely played.

4.) Cameron Crowe wants Scarlett Johansson, Amy Adams, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, or Rachel McAdams? - Just not for the same things I want them for. What? I want them to write haikus for me. What did you think I meant? Apparently one of the following women will be Matt Damon's wife and live in a zoo in We Bought a Zoo, which is the most literal title for a movie since The Dilemma.

She would be a great choice because she loves animals. You can tell by the leopard print.

She would be great to star against Matt Damon because she worked at Hooters. I don't know why that prepares her, but everyone keeps talking about how she used to work at Hooters.

Um, not sure about this one. She was considered for the role of Mary Jane or Gwen Stacy in the Spidey reboot, so being Matt Damon's wife seems a little creepy. Damon's down though.


She deserves the part BECAUSE I SAY SO, OKAY?!

Whoever wins, if this is the actual shortlist, audiences are going to be very happy.

5.) Baz Luhrmann wants Natalie Portman or Keira Knightley? - But not for the same things I want them for. What? I want them to write guest columns on the blog. Jeez, guys, what did you think? Luhrmann is casting his Daisy in The Great Gatsby, which may have Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire in it. He has about 5 names on the list, but you remember how I said I was running behind right? Here's the two that matter, the ones who would do the best job:

She who is rumored for every movie ever: Natalie Portman!!!!

She who only does period pieces: Keira Knightley.

Like I said, there are others, but that's not important right now. I actually think this adaptation could work. Luhrmann is often good (when he's not doing Australia), and the cast seems strong with DiCaprio and Maguire. That's the extent of my thoughts. Gotta run!

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Web of Lies: Who's gonna be Spidey's gal

We're going to be doing a lot more talkity-talk talk about ole web head coming up here. Not only is the musical made from my imagination, featuring the music of U2 (oddly, it is the soundtrack of every dream I've ever had), going to debut on Broadway soon, but we're heating up fast on the production of the new Spidey reboot, an event unparalleled in its potential to infuriate me. The most interesting thing about the interesting thing I'm about to tell you comes down to what isn't happening: The shortlist for Spidey's "love interest" is being circulated. Note that I said "love interest" and not "Mary Jane." Why? Because it isn't Mary Jane. Didn't I tell you that was interesting? Whether this is Gwen Stacy (it is) or not (it is) nobody is saying (but it totally is), at least not officially (but unofficially, come the hell on, it is). This would excite me if the whole thing weren't being compared to Twilight by some industry folks, and if the dude behind the massively overpraised 500 Days of Summer weren't doing it...and if it weren't an origin story...and if they were going to focus on superhero stuff and not love interests...and I could do this all day.

But you didn't come here to hear me kvetch (actually, you probably did). Here's the short-list along with some photos for reference of the people considered to be Spidey's new love interest:

Imogene Poots
Experience: played Young Valerie in V for Vendetta, Tammy in 28 Weeks Later, Allyson in Solitary Man, Arianne in Centurion, Eva in Chatroom and Amy in the upcoming remake of Fright Night

Thoughts: She looks innocent and young, does evoke Gwen Stacy-like qualities, fairly generic, has a hilarious last name.

Ophelia Lovibond


Experience: Played Marie Kennedy in Nowhere Boy.

Thoughts: Looks more like Betty Brant than Gwen Stacy (not not just her hair color), relatively little experience, looks slightly older, is also a Brit (meaning we would be handing over both Spidey AND his lady to the limeys)

Teresa Palmer

Experience: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice and the upcoming adaptation of I Am Number Four.

Thoughts: Generic blonde, fairly obvious, willingness to star with Nicholas Cage indicates possible mental imbalance.

Lily Collins

Experience: Played Collins in The Blind Side, Kate in the upcoming film Abduction and Lucy in Priest, as well as Phoebe in the new "90210" television series.

Thoughts: Looks like a cute mouse, too "model"-esque, starred alongside Sandra Bullock when she won an Oscar (thus may be partially responsible for that travesty)

Emma Roberts


Experience: who played Addie on the television series "Unfabulous," and Poppy in Wild Child, Molly in Twelve, Grace in Valentine’s Day, and has parts in the upcoming films Scream 4 and It’s Kind of a Funny Story.

Thoughts: More Mary Jane looking, is the most likely choice, is related to Julia Roberts (all hail nepotism), talks a lot in interviews about how she won't do nudity even when nobody is asking her to

Mary Elizabeth Winstead
Experience: Scott Pilgrim vs the World and Live Free or Die Hard.

Thoughts: Clearly best choice, incredible talent and poise, rumored to be already out of the running (of course)

Donald Glover
Experience: "Community," Derrek Comedy, my dreams

Thoughts: Well, if Spider-man can't be a black guy, can he at least DATE a black guy? You laugh, but I think I'm on to something.

More to come as it happens.

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Movie Review: Scott Pilgrim vs the World

Honestly, I liked it a lot. I know the review may sound somewhat suspect, but bear in mind I've been reading a month's worth of sloppy-kiss reviews from critics who I swear on my life called it incredibly important. Nothing like overselling the shit out of something you love. I don't blame them, I just don't all the way agree. It's a great movie, it is. I'll probably see it again on video, maybe even own it. I just don't, you know, want to take it back behind the school and get it pregnant, to borrow a Tracy Jordan expression. Here's the review.

It’s Hipster to Care
Scott Pilgrim vs the World loves fights and fights for love


If an 8-bit video game got an indie romantic comedy pregnant, Scott Pilgrim vs the World would be their offspring: whiney but infinitely lovable. Spastically working the modern zeitgeist like a stripper’s pole, SPVTW alternates between slapping hipsters in the face and giving them a sexytime lap dance. Nowhere near as groundbreaking as declaimed by internet-based critics, who just-so-happen to fall into the target demographic, it is an inarguable visual romp, a giddy seizure that’s almost as endearing as it thinks it is.

Working from the graphic novels by Brian Lee O’Malley, screenwriter Michael Bacall and writer/director Edgar Wright just assume we’ll like Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera), presumably because he has poofy hair and familiar neuroses, despite giving us no real reason to do so. Although 22, Scott is dating a 17-year-old named Knives Chau (Ellen Wong), a chaste union lamented by his sardonic gay roommate, Wallace Wells (Kieran Culkin), and Scott’s sister, Stacey (Anna Kendrick). When he falls for Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), the dreamiest, most manically pixied of all manic pixie dream girls, she somehow indulges the whelp, a decision made befuddling by Cera’s resplendent asexuality.

The insanity dial on the reality amp is turned to 11 when Scott must fight Ramona’s seven evil exes, “Street Fighter” style. These include guyliner-enthusiast Matthew Patel (Satya Bhabha), skateboarder-turned-movie-star Lucas Lee (Chris Evans), bicurious-enabler Roxy Richter (Mae Whitman), vegan-rock-god Todd Ingram (Brandon Routh), electronica-dispensing twins Kyle (Keita Saitou) and Ken Katayanagi (Shota Saito) and the love kingpin Gideon (Jason Schwartzman). With nearly every scene evolving into a split-screen brawl, complete with animated “smacks” and “KOs” flying every which way, it’s easier to develop epilepsy than boredom.

Wright’s “screw it, let’s put it in there” direction is so hyper as to obscure issues like Cera’s increasingly grating self-imitation and Wallace’s stereotypical gay partner switching. Winstead does the best acting work here, somehow making her droll, insane-baggage-toting, anime-eyed love interest captivating. If only we could believe she’d be curious about Cera’s boy parts.

What holds it all together is delightful fight choreography performed by hipsters combined with a wink-and-nod awareness, like Todd being granted superpowers due to his vegan lifestyle, which makes him “better than you.” Perhaps it’s that SPVTW too accurately channels modern youth, with all its arrogance, that soils it a bit. Nonetheless, you can’t resist a film that sports a bitchin’ soundtrack, young love and bad guys who turn into a pile of coins when you punch their heads off.

Grade = B+

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