Web of Lies: Who's gonna be Spidey's gal

We're going to be doing a lot more talkity-talk talk about ole web head coming up here. Not only is the musical made from my imagination, featuring the music of U2 (oddly, it is the soundtrack of every dream I've ever had), going to debut on Broadway soon, but we're heating up fast on the production of the new Spidey reboot, an event unparalleled in its potential to infuriate me. The most interesting thing about the interesting thing I'm about to tell you comes down to what isn't happening: The shortlist for Spidey's "love interest" is being circulated. Note that I said "love interest" and not "Mary Jane." Why? Because it isn't Mary Jane. Didn't I tell you that was interesting? Whether this is Gwen Stacy (it is) or not (it is) nobody is saying (but it totally is), at least not officially (but unofficially, come the hell on, it is). This would excite me if the whole thing weren't being compared to Twilight by some industry folks, and if the dude behind the massively overpraised 500 Days of Summer weren't doing it...and if it weren't an origin story...and if they were going to focus on superhero stuff and not love interests...and I could do this all day.

But you didn't come here to hear me kvetch (actually, you probably did). Here's the short-list along with some photos for reference of the people considered to be Spidey's new love interest:

Imogene Poots
Experience: played Young Valerie in V for Vendetta, Tammy in 28 Weeks Later, Allyson in Solitary Man, Arianne in Centurion, Eva in Chatroom and Amy in the upcoming remake of Fright Night

Thoughts: She looks innocent and young, does evoke Gwen Stacy-like qualities, fairly generic, has a hilarious last name.

Ophelia Lovibond


Experience: Played Marie Kennedy in Nowhere Boy.

Thoughts: Looks more like Betty Brant than Gwen Stacy (not not just her hair color), relatively little experience, looks slightly older, is also a Brit (meaning we would be handing over both Spidey AND his lady to the limeys)

Teresa Palmer

Experience: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice and the upcoming adaptation of I Am Number Four.

Thoughts: Generic blonde, fairly obvious, willingness to star with Nicholas Cage indicates possible mental imbalance.

Lily Collins

Experience: Played Collins in The Blind Side, Kate in the upcoming film Abduction and Lucy in Priest, as well as Phoebe in the new "90210" television series.

Thoughts: Looks like a cute mouse, too "model"-esque, starred alongside Sandra Bullock when she won an Oscar (thus may be partially responsible for that travesty)

Emma Roberts


Experience: who played Addie on the television series "Unfabulous," and Poppy in Wild Child, Molly in Twelve, Grace in Valentine’s Day, and has parts in the upcoming films Scream 4 and It’s Kind of a Funny Story.

Thoughts: More Mary Jane looking, is the most likely choice, is related to Julia Roberts (all hail nepotism), talks a lot in interviews about how she won't do nudity even when nobody is asking her to

Mary Elizabeth Winstead
Experience: Scott Pilgrim vs the World and Live Free or Die Hard.

Thoughts: Clearly best choice, incredible talent and poise, rumored to be already out of the running (of course)

Donald Glover
Experience: "Community," Derrek Comedy, my dreams

Thoughts: Well, if Spider-man can't be a black guy, can he at least DATE a black guy? You laugh, but I think I'm on to something.

More to come as it happens.

Follow me on Twitter!

List of Spidey candidates grows, but not enough to include a black man

I chose this image for this topic because the casting for Spidey, who I love, has made me as angry as the guy below him here.
Aaron Johnson from Kick-Ass and Anton Yelchin from Star Trek and Terminator: Salvation are the newest young honkeys added to the list of young honkeys being considered for the role of Peter Parker/Spider-man in the upcoming reboot/remake/debacle that needs to start shooting fairly soon. I like both of these guys a lot...like, a lot a lot. Johnson's character in Kick-Ass was so Peter Parker-esque, the actor even mentioned he wasn't sure he'd want to be considered for the wall-crawler because he'd be covering the same ground. Meanwhile, Yelchin was the best part of the abomination that caused me to declare a McWar on McG, and single-handedly sunk the franchise into obscurity. I love Yelchin's general look and feel: He just has "it." However, with new actors being added to the list, despite previous news that the role had been cast, it shows me that they haven't quite gotten what they wanted. And yet, they continue to ignore the very real Donald Glover for Spider-man movement. If they had quickly cast the role after the buzz demanding an audition for Don began, it would have been reasonable to me to exclude him. The process was already underway, yadda, yadda, yadda. But with NEW actors being added, it only makes it more glaringly obvious that one isn't even being considered.

Glover has made me so happy lately with his simple tweets on the subject. When Stan Lee talked about how race shouldn't matter and that Glover is a good actor, Don simply posted that he couldn't believe Stan Lee was talking about him for Spider-man. He later mentioned that someone had stopped on the freeway to shoot him the "Spider-man fingers." Glover loves the character, has great presence, has great comic timing, has the physique that would work perfectly, and is all of 2-4 years older than some of the people being considered for the part. I'm not accusing the people who are casting the film of being too racist to consider him, I'm accusing them of being unable to picture him in the role because he's black. I don't think it's hate at all. I think it's limited imagination.

I know Donald Glover will not be Spider-man. He should be, he'd be the most imaginative casting, but he won't be. I do hold out hope, small hope, that he can get an audition for the role. If nothing else, it would seem to be the right thing to do. Give the vocal group of fans who love both the character and the actor something to cheer for. You're already adding to your list, Sony, why not add the right guy to it?

Oh, and hit up Twitter and drop a #donald4spiderman to let folks know we haven't forgotten.

Follow me on Twitter!

DVD Review: Mystery Team

I had been cooking this one in my brain stew for awhile now, and I still wanted my review to be funnier than it ended up being. I loved Mystery Team, just loved it. Yes, it has some flaws from a technical perspective and the third act is kind of meh, but good Lord did I laugh. I love the actors, love the concept, and love the general execution of this low-budget gem from a comedy troupe that is proving themselves to be tenacious. There's nothing more exciting than a bunch of talented people willing themselves to success.

Oh, and the best part of having a blog: I can include one of Derrick Comedy's best sketches here. Hell, I'll include two after the review.

DVD Discovery
The Hardy-Har Boys
Mystery Team solves the case of the missing laughs

The members of Derrick Comedy, an online sketch troupe that’s sort of like “Saturday Night Live,” back when “SNL” had fully descended testicles and imagination, have birthed Mystery Team from their collective comedy uterus. This microbudgeted bundle of joy is a mini-miracle, sporting a plot Adam Sandler would have loved to ruin with his cast of laughless lackeys had he been given the mainstream chance. Containing all four comedy food groups (toilet humor, booby jokes, physical gags and satire), Mystery Team is so good, it’s practically good for you.

The concept is simple enough for Will Ferrell to covet. Emotionally stunted grown-ass men are unable to move beyond their years spent as youthful sleuths and are still solving “where’s the kitten” and “who stole the ice cream” crimes even as they’re poised to enter college. Jason (Donald Glover) is the defacto leader and “master of disguise,” Duncan (D.C. Pierson) is the nerdy brainiac and Charlie (Dominic Dierkes) is the muscle. Except, Jason’s disguises wouldn’t fool a half-drunk Larry King without his quad-focals, Duncan’s intellect is based on a decade-old book of now obsolete odd facts he memorized and Charlie’s growth spurt has left him so lean that can barely lift his zipper.

When the docile, well-intentioned gang is tasked to solve the murder of cute, reformed goth chick Kelly’s (Aubrey Plaza) parents, they find themselves forced to confront darker deeds as well as changes to their lives (and bodies). Standing with one foot on the firm ground of marginal realism and the other in a sea of shenanigans, Mystery Team struggles through a third act that bends but never buckles.

Although each of the comedy collective has their moment, Glover is the standout here, as he is in the troupe’s YouTube sketches. Having spent time on the writing staff for “30 Rock” and currently starring in the funniest show on television, “Community,” Glover has to piss off his friends just a little with his undeniable mega-watt charisma. Who knows, perhaps Pierson and Dierkes did the lion share of the lifting in the communal script, helping blunt the blow of standing in their amigo’s ever-increasing shadow? What is unquestionable is that Glover is going to be ridonkulously famous in short order.

Director Dan Eckman deserves a “boy howdy” himself for his hand in preventing the film from looking amateurish, refusing to stoop to lingering over big laugh moments, even when tempted by a toilet sequence that’s down right Trainspotting-tastic. Striking the perfect balance of itty bitty giggles and humongous guffaws, the pace of the plot is less important than the incredible laugh ratio.

The film isn’t perfect, what with its clunky exposition and overreliance on certain gags, but Mystery Team is the announcement of something more important. With Ferrell, Sandler and the like passing their prime like kidney stones, a void has opened in the world of mainstream chuckle mongering. If Mystery Team is this laugh legion at their unfunded, inexperienced best, it may soon be considered simply the calling card of the future of comedy.

Grade = A-

Thanks for reading, as your reward, two of my favorite Derrick Comedy sketches, the latter features vulgarity a plenty but you're grown ups.






Follow me on Twitter!

I want Dong Lover for Spider-man...I mean, Don Glover. Sorry.

My passion, yes I said passion, for Don Glover dates back to the first time someone showed me a YouTube video for Derek's Comedy. Within an hour, I had watched everything the small-time comedy troupe had assembled and nearly burst my pancreas laughing. To take nothing away from the rest of the boys in that ensemble, there was no question that Glover was going to be stupid-mega-famous (you just don't think up a sketch like "Spelling Bee" and not end up a comedy god). In short order, he was writing for "30 Rock" during their best period and hopped onto my favorite comedy on television ("Community"), where he crafted my favorite moment in NBC comedy history (I won't post it again here, but let me just say "Donde esta la biblioteca?"). I follow him on Twitter, I loved his stand-up routine special on Comedy Central, I thought Mystery Team was perhaps the funniest movie in 3-5 years, and over the weekend I found out his latest ambition: He wants to play Spider-man.

There's every possibility that this started as a joke, but I don't think it is anymore and I don't think it should be. You're talking to a man drinking out of a Spider-man coffee cup, sitting in front of a wall decorated with a Romita Legacy Spidey print, beneath shelves holding various Spider-man mini-busts, and directly below a skateboard hand-decorated by a friend that depicts ME as Spider-man. I love the character just a wee bit...and I don't care if he's black. More than that, I would love it if he was. You could argue that ANY superhero could be given a racial makeover, but that's kind of not true. Circumstances for some really would require bending or changing significant aspects of their identity. Not true with Spidey. He's a smart, nerdy high-school student who is being raised by his aunt and uncle in New York City. Not only is there nothing in his origin that demands white skin...it makes literally just as much sense for him to be black. So now that we've moved past the most obvious element, we can get into the other questions. Don is lean-built, hilarious, and has a baby face that means he can play high-school age easily. The biggest thing missing from these movies has been Spidey's wit, and I can't think of anyone better to incorporate that aspect. Okay, so what now? Well, in the same way that America caught "Bieber fever," we need to leverage social media. It got Betty White on SNL and it can get Don Glover an audition for Spidey. #donald4spiderman is the hash tag you want to dump on Twitter. Also, by now there's a facebook group with a few thousand fans you should join. Do I think that Sony, a studio that jettisoned a profitable franchise, is going to bow to Internet pressure and let a black man who has never been in a major movie and who is way outside their targeted age group play Spider-man? No. Do I think he's the most refreshing and possibly best choice? Hell yes. Let's at least see if we can get someone to entertain such a notion, shall we?

Follow me on Twitter!