Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Gee, I wonder what will win this week? It's like Hollywood isn't even trying, which is par for the course actually. Now that Avatar has all the records it can get, I wonder if we'll finally tire of hearing about its box office rampage. I know I'm tired of it, but I'm a cynical bastard. The new movies this week are feeble and stupid. They will not mount a challenge. Enough pussyfooting around, let's just get this over with.

Here's how I see the weekend box office, haiku style:

1.) Avatar - $27 million

It sunk Titanic
It now holds the global crown.
Can it PLEASE stop now?

2.) Dear John - $17 million

Dear Nicholas Sparks,
why are you still relevant?
Your ideas suck.

3.) From Paris with Love - $15 million

Just ridiculous.
That's how John Travolta looks.
Bald AND a goatee?!

4.) Edge of Darkness - $8 million

This one is a dud.
Not a good comeback for Mel.
Karma is a bitch.

5.) When in Rome - $7 million

Very generic
and very forgettable.
We'll purge this one soon.

WILDCARD - The Tooth Fairy - $6.5 million

The Rock sold his pride
and the movie was a flop.
What a tragic tale.

Okay, that's it gang. It's nasty outside, so be careful.