Friday, August 7, 2009

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Pretty obvious that GI: Joe is going to win the week, despite not being screened for the press. I didn't really report on it, but good lord the insanity that followed Paramount's decision to show the film to SOME online critics but not others resulted in a war of tweets and blogs that can only be described as "marginally entertaining." It turns out that some of those guys still harbor sad feelings from the time they were picked last in kickball. Also opening this weekend (and sure to get some lady money) is Julie and Julia, which once more shows that Meryl Streep is more important than all of us. Some other crappy movie about people getting killed on vacation opens (with Milla Jovovich, who I still find creepy/hot...as in, she's gorgeous but will totally stab me). How do I perceive this all turning out?

It's haiku time:

1.) GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra - $55 million

This one might be fun.
But the subtitle sounds gross.
Maybe that's just me.

2.) Julie and Julia - $21 million

Hot Amy Adams
paired with the sweet Meryl Streep.
Great tastes that taste great.

3.) Funny People - $11 million

Who is laughing now?
People wanted Judd to fail.
But I was not one.

4.) Harry Potter 6 - $10.5 million

That's enough, Harry.
I have nothing left to say.
My wand jokes are done.

5.) G-Force - $10 million

Good bye, guinea pigs.
I will not miss you at all.
I prefer a dog.

WILDCARD - A Perfect Getaway - $9 million

This looks like pure crap,
if you don't count Jovovich.
I used to love her.

Okay gang, you have a good weekend. If you're in the state of Nebraska, avoiding going outside if you prefer not to be on fire. See you Monday!

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