Weekend Box Office Results: 'Tis Better to Suck in 3D

Ah, the power of 3D. I love how horror movies are acting like this is something new, like Jaws 3D never existed. How dare you forget Jaws 3D? That movie changed the world, dammit. Anyhoodle, here's the horror-flavored sloppy seconds that was the first non-summer weekend.

Here are the (haiku-d) results:

1.) The Final Destination - $28 million (Accuracy of prediction - 93%)

3D glasses rule
Remind me of Max Headroom.
I miss the 80s.

2.) Inglourious Basterds - $20 million (Accuracy of prediction - 84%)

QT saves the day!
The Weinstein Company lives!
Is that a good thing?

3.) Halloween II - $17.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 78%)

Bye bye Rob Zombie.
Your mainstream days are over.
I will not miss you.

4.) District 9 - $10.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 98%)

I will own this film.
I can't wait for the extras.
I want more right now!

5.) GI Joe: Rise of Cobra - $8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 91%)

So far, just boys toys.
Live-action Rainbow Brite time?
It's only fair now.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 89%

If I keep this up.
It may look like I'm not dumb.
But you know better.

That's it. Happy Monday gang!

Weekly Wrap-Up: Disappointment, Despair, and Diagrams

What a week we've had, huh? Let's hit the highlights before calling it quits:

• Here's the only Venn diagram I'll likely ever make.
• No THIS is the worst idea ever.
• New Moon has an infomercial apparently starring a charming young gay soft-core porn star.
• You should read David Eggers's "Where the Wild Things Are" excerpt.
• This would be so cool if it were true!
• Avatar disappointed me. I bet Jim Cameron doesn't even care.
• Everybody loves haikus.

Have a great weekend everybody, here's hoping Brett Favre gets hurt on his first preseason snap (Go BEARS!)

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Pretty obvious that GI: Joe is going to win the week, despite not being screened for the press. I didn't really report on it, but good lord the insanity that followed Paramount's decision to show the film to SOME online critics but not others resulted in a war of tweets and blogs that can only be described as "marginally entertaining." It turns out that some of those guys still harbor sad feelings from the time they were picked last in kickball. Also opening this weekend (and sure to get some lady money) is Julie and Julia, which once more shows that Meryl Streep is more important than all of us. Some other crappy movie about people getting killed on vacation opens (with Milla Jovovich, who I still find creepy/hot...as in, she's gorgeous but will totally stab me). How do I perceive this all turning out?

It's haiku time:

1.) GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra - $55 million

This one might be fun.
But the subtitle sounds gross.
Maybe that's just me.

2.) Julie and Julia - $21 million

Hot Amy Adams
paired with the sweet Meryl Streep.
Great tastes that taste great.

3.) Funny People - $11 million

Who is laughing now?
People wanted Judd to fail.
But I was not one.

4.) Harry Potter 6 - $10.5 million

That's enough, Harry.
I have nothing left to say.
My wand jokes are done.

5.) G-Force - $10 million

Good bye, guinea pigs.
I will not miss you at all.
I prefer a dog.

WILDCARD - A Perfect Getaway - $9 million

This looks like pure crap,
if you don't count Jovovich.
I used to love her.

Okay gang, you have a good weekend. If you're in the state of Nebraska, avoiding going outside if you prefer not to be on fire. See you Monday!