Friday, May 14, 2010

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

It's Friday, y'all. That means that I can officially mark the end of this shitpocalyptic week. Seriously, if I've been a douche, I'm sorry. I've been swimming downstream from the biggest douchefishes and got it all over me. This means I've been somewhat off in my bloggery. For that, lo siento my good friends. Speaking of lo siento, it sounds like the biggest mea culpas (man do I love mixing 3 languages in one sentence) is going to come from the studio that thought we needed another Robin Hood movie. Let me be the first person today to make the joke about a Brian Adams song or Kevin Costner. The dirty secret is, I really liked that first movie, even if I still do not understand how or why Morgan Freeman the scimitar-tossing Moor ended up in it. Anyway, this one is 100% Freeman free, but does feature chubby bunny Russell Crowe getting his best grimace on. Oh, and the goddess that is Cate Blanchett. She's almost worth doing anything for, including seeing this movie. At any rate, it's not going to be the number one movie, it's going to do decent opening money and then fade away before you know it. Mark my words, this one will be on video in a fortnight. Man, I am busting out the strangest terms in this post, huh? Okay, enough of this, it's Friday and you good people came here for predictions.

Haikus away!

1.) Iron Man 2 - $65 million

I think this will hold.
The word of mouth is still good.
Downey is a god.

2.) Robin Hood - $35 million

No bows and arrows,
this Robin's weapon is new:
It's his appetite.

3.) Letters to Juliet - $15 million

The lovely Seyfried
still can't choose a good project.
Avoid at all costs.

4.) Just Wright - $9 million

Wait...Queen Latifah?
AND former rapper Common?
COUNT ME...somewhere else.

5.) How to Train Your Dragon - $5.5 million

Look...here is the deal.
If your dragon ain't trained yet
You'd best just give up.

Okay, that's it for me guys. You have a wonderful weekend. I'm going to try to drink my troubles away as the good Lord intended. Have fun!

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