Weekend Box Office Results: Maybe people didn't go see Shrek because of "Lost?"

I know I dedicated pretty much all day yesterday to "Lost," so maybe there's just a huge crossover between Shrek audience members and "Lost" fans. Right, and maybe there's also a big crossover between people who own a Lindsay Lohan record and Nobel Prize Winning physicists. The reality is, Shrek 3 sucked butt. Shrek 4 looked like butt. So nobody went to see Shrek 4. Okay, not nobody. $70 million is a ton of money, but not for this series. Every prediction had it doing something like $100 million, so this is unquestionably a big fat sign that we're finally done with Shrek. Also interesting: People apparently did not care that reviews for MacGruber were generally quite positive. They did NOT care to see it. I'm a little surprised, although I still hold out hope for a slow burn. Maybe people will flock to it later? Guessing not.

Okay, I'm tired, I've got a lot to do. So here's the final tallies (haiku style):

1.) Shrek Forever After - $71 million (Accuracy of prediction - 72.5%)

This isn't my fault.
The last few did huge money.
People don't like crap?

2.) Iron Man 2 - $27 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

Keep on flying, man!
You're the early summer champ!
Let's see if it lasts....

3.) Robin Hood - $18.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 98.5%)

So much for a flop.
It is even holding well.
You go, sweet fat man!

4.) Letters to Juliet - $9 million (Accuracy of prediction - 79%)

Oh YEAH! I forgot!
It's the only female flick.
It wins by default!

5.) MacGruber - $4 million (Accuracy of prediction - 45%)

Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch
No new movie stars are born.
At least they have jobs.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 78%

Well, I guess that's it.
I did not have a good week.
But I did love "Lost!!!!"

Happy Monday to ya! See you tomorrow!

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Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

You'll notice this isn't my last post of the day. Nope. I have an epic "Lost" finale prediction section to get to before this is all said and done. So, I figured, let's get the Shrek talk out of the way now. Yes, this movie is going to do all sorts of money, aided in part by the first $20 movie ticket ever. If you just puked in your mouth, know that your puke tasted like 3D. This is the price we pay for excess, more breeding excess. We also have MacGruber opening this week, and I think it may actually have some measure of staying power. It's not going to be blowing people away opening weekend, but considering your other option for a laugh is to either (A) guffaw at Russell Crowe's waistline in Robin Hood or (B) pretend fart jokes are still entertaining with Shrek. Plus, I love Kristen Wiig with every fiber of my stupid heart, so I'm hoping she comes out a winner on this. Alright, enough's enough, if I'm going to get to my epic "Lost" predictions, I have to wrap this up.

Here are the box office predictions for this weekend, haiku style:

1.) Shrek Forever After - $110 million

The least they could do
is be clever with spelling.
FOUR-ever after?

2.) Iron Man 2 - $29 million

This one may wind up
lower than was expected.
It's still effing huge.

3.) Robin Hood - $18 million

Like Russel Crowe's belt,
when it comes to box office,
this will not hold well.

4.) MacGruber - $15 million

I smell a sleeper...
as in a slow-burning hit,
I don't sniff dreamers.

5.) Letters to Juliet - $7.5 million

First there was Dear John.
Now Letters to Juliet.
At least she can read.

That's it for the predictions. If you're a Lostie, be back here in a few hours for my final predictions ever!!!!!

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Weekend Box Office Results: Fatty's still a draw

I do hope the world realizes that I'm just having fun with the "Russell Crowe is fat" jokes. It's amuses me because he's a douche. So, fatty had a good weekend, as his film did far better than I thought it would. It's not going to last, because the buzz is NOT strong on the film, but hey, it's not going to be a flop like I thought it might be. I wonder what the first huge misfire of the season will be (fingers crossed it's Shrek 4). For now, let's talk about what is firing on all cylinders.

Here's the weekend box office results, haiku style:

1.) Iron Man 2 - $53 million (Accuracy of prediction - 88.5%)

Believe it or not,
This has made 200 mil...
and that's not enough.

2.) Robin Hood - $37 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

Fatty's still got it!
I think the draw was Blanchett.
I'd rather look there.

3.) Letters to Juliet - $14 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96.5%)

Something for ladies?
Actually, Iron Man 2
has had more women!

4.) Just Wright - $8.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

Hey Common, what gives?
Didn't you used to do rap?
Please do that again.

5.) How to Train Your Dragon - $5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95%)

Please go away now.
You've got oh so much money.
So please just leave now.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 95%

Look at that total!
Do I know what I'm doing?
Likely it's a fluke.

Okay gang, happy Monday to ya. Go be productive.

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Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

It's Friday, y'all. That means that I can officially mark the end of this shitpocalyptic week. Seriously, if I've been a douche, I'm sorry. I've been swimming downstream from the biggest douchefishes and got it all over me. This means I've been somewhat off in my bloggery. For that, lo siento my good friends. Speaking of lo siento, it sounds like the biggest mea culpas (man do I love mixing 3 languages in one sentence) is going to come from the studio that thought we needed another Robin Hood movie. Let me be the first person today to make the joke about a Brian Adams song or Kevin Costner. The dirty secret is, I really liked that first movie, even if I still do not understand how or why Morgan Freeman the scimitar-tossing Moor ended up in it. Anyway, this one is 100% Freeman free, but does feature chubby bunny Russell Crowe getting his best grimace on. Oh, and the goddess that is Cate Blanchett. She's almost worth doing anything for, including seeing this movie. At any rate, it's not going to be the number one movie, it's going to do decent opening money and then fade away before you know it. Mark my words, this one will be on video in a fortnight. Man, I am busting out the strangest terms in this post, huh? Okay, enough of this, it's Friday and you good people came here for predictions.

Haikus away!

1.) Iron Man 2 - $65 million

I think this will hold.
The word of mouth is still good.
Downey is a god.

2.) Robin Hood - $35 million

No bows and arrows,
this Robin's weapon is new:
It's his appetite.

3.) Letters to Juliet - $15 million

The lovely Seyfried
still can't choose a good project.
Avoid at all costs.

4.) Just Wright - $9 million

Wait...Queen Latifah?
AND former rapper Common?
COUNT ME...somewhere else.

5.) How to Train Your Dragon - $5.5 million

Look...here is the deal.
If your dragon ain't trained yet
You'd best just give up.

Okay, that's it for me guys. You have a wonderful weekend. I'm going to try to drink my troubles away as the good Lord intended. Have fun!

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