Weekend Box Office Results: Fatty's still a draw

I do hope the world realizes that I'm just having fun with the "Russell Crowe is fat" jokes. It's amuses me because he's a douche. So, fatty had a good weekend, as his film did far better than I thought it would. It's not going to last, because the buzz is NOT strong on the film, but hey, it's not going to be a flop like I thought it might be. I wonder what the first huge misfire of the season will be (fingers crossed it's Shrek 4). For now, let's talk about what is firing on all cylinders.

Here's the weekend box office results, haiku style:

1.) Iron Man 2 - $53 million (Accuracy of prediction - 88.5%)

Believe it or not,
This has made 200 mil...
and that's not enough.

2.) Robin Hood - $37 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

Fatty's still got it!
I think the draw was Blanchett.
I'd rather look there.

3.) Letters to Juliet - $14 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96.5%)

Something for ladies?
Actually, Iron Man 2
has had more women!

4.) Just Wright - $8.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

Hey Common, what gives?
Didn't you used to do rap?
Please do that again.

5.) How to Train Your Dragon - $5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95%)

Please go away now.
You've got oh so much money.
So please just leave now.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 95%

Look at that total!
Do I know what I'm doing?
Likely it's a fluke.

Okay gang, happy Monday to ya. Go be productive.

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Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

It's Friday, y'all. That means that I can officially mark the end of this shitpocalyptic week. Seriously, if I've been a douche, I'm sorry. I've been swimming downstream from the biggest douchefishes and got it all over me. This means I've been somewhat off in my bloggery. For that, lo siento my good friends. Speaking of lo siento, it sounds like the biggest mea culpas (man do I love mixing 3 languages in one sentence) is going to come from the studio that thought we needed another Robin Hood movie. Let me be the first person today to make the joke about a Brian Adams song or Kevin Costner. The dirty secret is, I really liked that first movie, even if I still do not understand how or why Morgan Freeman the scimitar-tossing Moor ended up in it. Anyway, this one is 100% Freeman free, but does feature chubby bunny Russell Crowe getting his best grimace on. Oh, and the goddess that is Cate Blanchett. She's almost worth doing anything for, including seeing this movie. At any rate, it's not going to be the number one movie, it's going to do decent opening money and then fade away before you know it. Mark my words, this one will be on video in a fortnight. Man, I am busting out the strangest terms in this post, huh? Okay, enough of this, it's Friday and you good people came here for predictions.

Haikus away!

1.) Iron Man 2 - $65 million

I think this will hold.
The word of mouth is still good.
Downey is a god.

2.) Robin Hood - $35 million

No bows and arrows,
this Robin's weapon is new:
It's his appetite.

3.) Letters to Juliet - $15 million

The lovely Seyfried
still can't choose a good project.
Avoid at all costs.

4.) Just Wright - $9 million

Wait...Queen Latifah?
AND former rapper Common?
COUNT ME...somewhere else.

5.) How to Train Your Dragon - $5.5 million

Look...here is the deal.
If your dragon ain't trained yet
You'd best just give up.

Okay, that's it for me guys. You have a wonderful weekend. I'm going to try to drink my troubles away as the good Lord intended. Have fun!

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Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

First off, I'm working on the Iron Man 2 review. It will be around sometime this afternoon. I know, I know, how can you be expected to be productive on a Friday if you're sitting around waiting to hear what I thought about the first summer blockbuster. I think you'll make it through, you're a trooper.

Speaking of blockbusters, the only real intrigue this weekend is whether Iron Man 2 can beat The Dark Knight's opening weekend. It's going to be close. Working in its favor is the fact that it's shorter, which will allow more screenings, and it's on a slightly greater number of screens. Working against it, nobody feels about Mickey Rourke the way they felt about Heath Ledger. Hell, nobody feels about Mickey Rourke the way the feel about a Heath bar, but that's besides the point. Also, no matter how beloved the first Iron Man was, Batman is a bigger property. So, it may be that this sequel only does truly insane money this weekend instead of "oh my God, all reality is crumbling" money.

How much do I think it will do? Let's see, haiku style:

1.) Iron Man 2 - $151 million

He can't beat Batman,
but he shouldn't feel to bad...
Superman couldn't.

2.) Nightmare on Elm Street - $10.5 million

Hey, what do you call
a sequel to a remake?
Answer: I don't care.

3.) How to Train Your Dragon - $8 million

Talk about long legs,
this movie has GIANT gams.
Way to go, Lizards.

4.) Date Night - $6 million

Word (of mouth) is bond.
This exceeded predictions.
...because it's funny.

5.) The Back Up Plan - $3.5 million

This is still playing?
Someone should really fix that.
And destroy the prints.

WILDCARD - Clash of the Titans - $3 million

I will say this much:
I loved "Release the Kraken."
I won't forget it.

Okay, that's it for now. I'll be back with my review later on. Keep on keepin' on this Friday.

Weekend Box Office Results: There be dragons at the top...again

Wow, so that 3D thing helps then? I mean, don't get me wrong, I like the good news trumpet that everyone is blowing in regards to the returns that How to Train Your Dragon is bringing in, but you and I both know that's at least in part due to the inflated 3D ticket prices...especially because there was a dramatic increase in 3D ticket prices just before Alice in Wonderland posted that remarkable tally (especially given that the film was shit). Again, let me reiterate, I do not wish this Dreamworks dribbler any ill will. It's just that I'm tired of the love that gets dumped its direction when, really, it's just performing well, not incredible. Not performing even well: both The Losers and The Back-up Plan (which should be called the "Back-up and Walk Away, J-Lo" Plan.)

Here are the results, haiku style:

1.) How to Train Your Dragon - $15 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96.5%)

The dragons still reign!
This sounds like a fairy tale.
Just not a new one.

2.) The Back-Up Plan - $12 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)

So much for that, huh?
You had it all dear J. Lo.
Now? Vh1 time.

3.) Date Night - $10.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 80%)

Still truckin' along!
Good word of mouth must be out.
Slow but steady wins!

4.) The Losers - $9.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 51%)

I know there's a joke...
Something about how this failed...
Hmm...I'll think of it.

5.) Kick-Ass - $9.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 82%)

Overseas, it's hot.
This is good, because we suck.
I wanted better.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 80%

Not a bad effort,
but certainly not my best.
Sounds like a Monday.

Okay gang, that's it. Behave on this start of the workweek and I'll see you tomorrow.

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Wow, that was a heck of a deluge of movie news, eh? I know, I impress myself sometimes. Okay, let's get right down to what really matters to you: Whether the damn Dragon movie or the trashy-but-fun action movie, The Losers, will take home first place in a relatively tepid week for the box office. I know, I'm on the edge of my seat too.

Here are my predictions, haiku style:

1.) How To Train Your Dragon - $16 million

Without the 3D,
this is not a major hit.
Yay! Higher tickets!

2.) The Losers - $15 million

Don't expect too much,
and you may get a surprise.
Yes...that's my motto.

3.) The Back-up Plan - $12 million

No one go see this.
Ladies, you deserve better.
Men, J-Lo is done.

4.) Kick-Ass - $11 million

This still isn't right.
I wanted a bigger hit.
So much for my needs.

5.) Date Night - $10.5 million

It just keeps truckin'.
That's more than okay with me.
It was mostly fun!

WILDCARD - Death at a Funeral - $8 million

This will fall off fast.
Soon, we will forget it all.
The fate of remakes!

Okay, that's it! I'm beat!

Weekend Box Office Results: Stop saying Kick-Ass flopped

First off, no it didn't. A $30 million production based on a comic that has LESS of a following than Watchmen, which only appealed to its core group and nothing more at the box office, isn't a flop if it makes 2/3 of its budget back opening weekend. What we need to be doing right now is talking about how great the film is, not how bad the box office was. Who cares if the stupid flying dragon movie did more money because it's still drawing 3D ticket prices? I don't. I care that a truly unique and fun vision of comic books that isn't cut from the same stinking repetitive cloth is going to get trashed in the media and online because it didn't suck every last dollar from the pockets of America. See it because it's good. Talk about it because it's good. Word of mouth can buoy a film significantly. What do I mean? See the 30% drop for Date Night this week? That's because people told other people that it's actually quite pleasant and funny. It was projected to slip more than that. The mission now shifts to making sure people know to see Kick-Ass because it's worth seeing. Oh, and between DVD and the next few weeks of box office, it still has a shot to almost double it's production budget. That's never a bad thing.

Enough Monday bitching, here's the results haiku style:

1.) How to Train Your Dragon - $20 million (Accuracy of prediction - 75%)

It may be quite cute,
but you'll forget it exists
within the next month.

2.) Kick-Ass - $19.75 million (Accuracy of prediction - 61.5%)

This deserved better.
Tell your friends to see it now.
Please do it for me?

3.) Date Night - $17.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 80%)

Way to go people!
I thought this would sink away,
but it held steady!

4.) Death at a Funeral - $17 million (Accuracy of prediction - 87.5%)

You can't be mad here.
That's a lot of dinero
for a weird remake.

5.) Clash of the Titans - $15.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 92%)

Say bye to Greek Gods.
The true Harryhausen fans
will not miss you much.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 79%

After a good run,
I'm back to mediocre.
Sadly, I'll take it.

Okay, that's it gang. Happy Monday to ya!

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

There's no real news today, and I spent a lot of time writing the review (I know, my life is hard). So, I'm just going to go right ahead and get to what you all wait for every week: haikus.

Here's how I see the box office this week:

1.) Kick-Ass - $31 million

Violent symphony.
Hilarious comedy.
This one is pure joy.

2.) Death at a Funeral - $18.5 million

What things aren't improved,
with the simple addition
of Tracey Morgan?

3.) How to Train Your Dragon - $18 million

Dare I make the pun?
Oh hell, why not. It's Friday.
This film is on fire.

4.) Date Night - $14 million

This deserves better.
It's quite funny and quite sweet.
You should go see it.

5.) Clash of the Titans - $13 million

The mighty shall fall...
after making tons of cash.
A fall, but no fail.

Weekend Box Office Results: A photo-finish!

Rumor has it that these numbers may be slightly tweaked by the day's end in a way that could rejiggle the order. I don't care. This order most benefits me, and I always use the projections. The box office has been on absolute fire this spring, which just goes to show you that the next time you hear a recession is coming, it's the right time to invest in a mediocre movie that appeals to all demographics. Anyway, here's how the weekend went, haiku style:

1.) Date Night - $27.1 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

I love Tina Fey.
And Steve Carell is cool too.
I'm happy for them.

2.) Clash of the Titans - $26.9 million (Accuracy of prediction - 99.5%)

An ungodly drop,
but it was so expected.
A "one and done" flick.

3.) How to Train Your Dragon - $25 million (Accuracy of prediction - 92%)

This is doing well.
Yay "lack of competition."
Release a kid's film!

4.) Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married Too? - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 91%)

I have some questions,
beyond the title of this.
Like why was this made?

5.) The Last Song - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 92.5%)

Were this title true,
and this was Cyrus's last...
I'd be good with that.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 94%

Do you see that score?!!!!
This is easily my best.
I want to retire.

Okay gang, that's it. Happy Monday to ya. Have a good one, make it through, and remember that tomorrow is "Lost."

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

It's Friday (alrighty...sorry, that's for two nerds I'm related two), which is great...that said, I don't remember the last time I felt this strange. Monday was one of the best days of my whole life, as the UNO Forensics team exceeded every goal I ever had (rewarding about 4 years of hard-ass work), but today I'm not going to lie, I feel wretched/weird. Tuesday/Wednesday were an exhausted blur, and then last night I had some kind of allergic reaction (my face looked like I was wearing a sitcom fat suit for a character's flashback or fantasy sequence). Today I feel as though my brain is encased in Jello pudding and I feel like my insides are burning. I've been tired before, but this feels like some strange kind of disease that a supervillain created. Somewhere, I know the evil Dr. Spoonfoot is rubbing his hands together whilst cackling "my plan is working!!!!" Anyway, this has nothing to do with the box office this weekend, but I thought I'd share.

Here are my predictions, haiku style:

1.) Date Night - $29 million

I'm taking a chance,
I'm picking Fey and Carrell
to beat down the gods!!

2.) Clash of the Titans - $27 million

I've heard some strange tales,
of what the film ALMOST was.
They sound way better.

3.) How to Train Your Dragon - $21 million

I said it before,
so I will say it again.
I should make kids films.

4.) Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married, Too? - $13 million

Oh, Tyler Perry,
you're just way too prolific
for your averageness.

5.) The Last Song - $8.5 million

Don't get me wrong here,
I like using the word "Last"
with Miley Cyrus.

No wildcard needed this week. I couldn't if I wanted to, the evil Dr. Spoonfoot's virus is spreading fast. Save yourself.

Weekend Box Office Results: The Dragon is mostly trained

The good news? The 3D extravaganza may not be as insanely huge as I feared. Sure, nobody is complaining about How to Train Your Dragon's opening weekend, but it isn't the jaw-dropping number I feared may have been posted. What I'm saying is, there's still a chance for some semblance of order to be restored. The rest of the top 5 though looks dismal. This may be the least-tasty buffet of films up top in some time. Thankfully, the Kraken gets released next weekend, and I just can't see that not being fun.

Anyhoodle, here are your weekend box office results, haiku style:

1.) How to Train Your Dragon - $43 million (Accuracy of prediction - 83.5%)

It could have been worse.
This number could be bigger.
There may still be hope.

2.) Alice in Wonderland - $14 million (Accuracy of prediction - 81%)

How is this still high?
It should have started to drop.
Damn you Tim Burton!

3.) Hot Tub Time Machine - $13 million (Accuracy of prediction - 60%)

This is a flop-o.
There were some big hopes for this...
They went...down the drain.

4.) The Bounty Hunter - $12 million (Accuracy of prediction - 77.5%)

The drop was minor.
The ladies do love Butler.
But not Aniston.

5.) Diary of a Wimpy Kid - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 75%)

This one fell quite hard.
The dragon took a big bite.
Thank God I don't care.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 75.5%

How fitting: a "C"
That's the grade these films deserve.
In fact, maybe less.

Okay, that's it. I know you want to be grumpy this Monday but don't be. It doesn't look good on you.

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

I wish I had faith that people would listen to me about 3D, but they won't. This week is going to see a precipitous drop for Alice in Wonderland (due to 3D screen shrinkage) and a huge opening for How to Train Your Dragon (because it is getting those screens). It's a 3D world right now, and we're going to regret that. But enough ill-tempered anger and bile, it's time for laughter and glee! It's Friday! So let's make with the whimsical and launch some haikus!

Here's how I see the weekend box office, haiku style:

1.) How to Train Your Dragon - $57 million

This is somewhat high,
but that 3D stuff is big.
Let's see just how big.

2.) Hot Tub Time Machine - $21 million

I can't believe it.
This movie really exists...
and has John Cusack.

3.) Alice in Wonderland - $14 million

Should be a big drop,
but in my own opinion,
it has made too much.

4.) Diary of a Wimpy Kid - $13 million

It would hold better,
if not for the damn dragon.
Still not a flop, though.

5.) The Bounty Hunter - $9 million

As soon as it came,
It soon quickly disappeared.
Just as it should be.

No Wildcard this week. I'm feeling too good about the above calls. That's it for me, I'll hit you up with a weekly round-up and then say goodbye! Have a great weekend!