Friday, August 27, 2010

Fearless, flawless box office predictions

Don't go to the movies this weekend. I mean it. There's just no reason to. It's the end of summer, there's still nice weather out there. If it's not too hot, get out there in the sun and do something fun because this week's releases put the oops in poops. There's no reason to see a shitty horror movie that isn't even trying. There's no reason to consider a film with a rapper (T.I.), Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen), and the lesser of the actors in The Fast and the Furious (Paul Walker). Just don't do it. Come on, gang, spend some time with your families actually talking. Just a suggestion.

Here's how I see the weekend, haiku style:

1.) The Last Exorcism - $15.5 million

Are you serious?
Do you promise this is it?
You'd best mean "The Last."

2.) Takers - $10 million

I say take it back.
Even the poster looks dumb.
All the actors suck.

3.) The Expendables - $9.5 million

This is a big hit.
I could not have been more wrong.
But are you surprised?

4.) Eat Pray Love - $7 million

No competition.
Women only get one film.
So, hope you like it.

5.) Avatar Special Edition - $6 million

OH MY GOD IT'S BACK.
It's like I'm in a nightmare.
A blue, nude nightmare.

WILDCARD - The Other Guys - $5.5 million

This is still going?
Who could have thought it would be?
Mark Wahlberg. That's who.

Okay, that's it. Have a great weekend. I'm going to try and get even more crap done. It's my life these days.

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